Celebrities: Harvey Weinstein's Girlfriend

Harvey Weinstein's girlfriend designs dresses - and benefits from his influence. She's quite the looker - and too good for that fat bastard. (Looks like he had liposuction, and has excess skin where his chins used to be.)

Update: Better picture of her.

Monday Miscellany

• I forgot the cruellest Superbowl commercial of all - the Ameriquest one where a patient's family think the doctors have killed him. It was 7th in USA Today's Ad Meter, and that awful FedEx one came in 3rd.
  
• I hesitated when writing "cruellest" - one "l" or two? Depends on whether you prefer UK or US English. Here's a comprehensive list of British and American spelling differences.
  
• Who knew "Sleepless In Seattle" was so creepy?
  
• A handy way to remember how to spell Mnemonic: Most nerds enjoy memorising obscure nicotine imbecile chinstrap.
  
• The Guardian's Dorian Lynskey has created a music map based on the London Underground (link to PDF at end of article).
  

Advertising: Superbowl

Is it just me or is there too much cruelty in commercials nowadays? Today we saw a guy throw a cellphone at someone's head, and a guy allow his friend to be mauled by a bear. Worst of all was the FedEx commercial where the caveman kicks a baby dinosaur (anachronism!) and then gets stomped on by a big dinosaur. I didn't like this commercial anyway because, let's face it, cavemen are ugly.

On the other hand, that "Capote" sequel looks good, where he goes after Tom Cruise.

Sports: Superbowl

I know this is one of Shell's favourite games (when he's not playing with his Carly Patterson dolls): guess which songs the Superbowl Half-Time performer will play. This year it's the Rolling Stones. Here are my guesses (no more than 3 allowed).

1. "Start Me Up" - obvious, but such a dynamic riff.
   
2. "Rain Fall Down" - surely they'll plug the new album? This is the only track I know (from some commercial).
   
3. "Ain't Too Proud To Beg" - they'll have to acknowledge Motown - either this (which they played in Detroit in 2005) or "Dancing In The Streets". (Is Bowie in Detroit?)
   

Bonus guess: Aretha Franklin will sing either "Pink Cadillac" or the National Anthem.

Sports: Carly Patterson

Shell is excited about gymnast Carly Patterson starting a singing career. He probably likes the quote from Joe Simpson (Jessica and Ashlee's dad): "I'm the kind of guy that likes to do things out of the box. ... Carly presents an exciting opportunity." I'm sure Shell will buy her CD and keep it beside his Carly box.

Film: Nina Persson

Cardigans front woman Nina Persson is co-starring in a new Swedish film called "Om Gud Vill" (or "God Willing"). You can watch the trailer (in which she sings a new song). She plays a Finnish woman, which is quite a stretch. If she played a woman without the cutest dimple in the history of Rock & Roll, well, you might as well give her the Oscar now.

Speaking of Oscars, get over to Enterpool and jump in their free Oscars contest.

Bonus photo of Nina in her fictional band in the film, Juli and the Monliths.

P.S. The song Nina sings in the trailer sounded vaguely familiar - I Googled the lyrics and sure enough, it's a cover. Listen for yourself first.

Movies: "Brokeback To The Future"

Defamer calls it the best "Brokeback Mountain" parody trailer: "Brokeback To The Future".

Advertising: Six Flags

Now we know who plays the old man in those annoying Six Flags commercials. Damn - I was sure it was Steven Soderbergh.

TV: Fox

Some unsolicited advice for Fox TV.

• I don't watch "24" but I've heard the rumours they might kill off Kiefer Sutherland's character this year. This would be better: Have him fall off a cliff, and then keep a camera trained on his motionless body. As the rest of the action continues, one corner of the screen would always show his body. For the rest of that episode. For the next episode. And for five or six episodes after that. Hey, we're only talking about 7 hours of real time. But the suspense would be killing, as viewers stare at Kiefer waiting for a sign of life. Finally, someone finds the body, feels his pulse, and says, "Yeah, he's dead."
  
• "Bones" - get rid of that "Buffy" lunkhead, and add an identical twin for Emily Deschanel. She has a fascinating face. If she plays opposite herself, you could see her in profile and full on. (Or you could cast her sister Zooey.)
  
• Bring back "Arrested Development".
  
• "Skating With Celebrities" - weaken a patch of ice on the rink. We, the viewers, know where it is - the celebrities don't!
  
• "The Quahog Informant" - don't change a thing.
  
• And then, next season on "24", start with Jack being buried, and show his body in the coffin ALL SEASON LONG. Fans will be waiting for the moment when he wakes up and escapes from the grave - but it never happens!
  

Music: AC/DC

It's agreed. "Rock & Roll Ain't Noise Pollution" is one of AC/DC's weaker songs, but the intro sounds really cool on the Nike commercial.

And the title is very poor legal advice. I think you'll find that Rock & Roll can qualify as noise pollution if played at sufficient volume. Even My Bloody Valentine's Kevin Shields complained about his neighbour's music.

What's the worst advice you've ever heard in a song? "A-keep away from Runaround Sue"? "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife"?

Music: MP3 Blogs

You Ain't No Picasso has two songs by Jack White's side project, The Raconteurs (I love the "Green Screen" look of their web site). "Steady As She Goes is the better of the two songs.

Business: Enron Emails

As featured in the Dallas Morning News, a company called InBoxer has given us the ability to search Enron's emails.

They're running a contest to find the funniest, most embarrassing, and most outrageous emails (you can win an Apple iPod Shuffle in each category). Registration is free and fairly painless.

First, I searched for "bear", because you can always be guaranteed to find a good bear joke. They have the classic "You don't really come here for the hunting, do you?" joke, and the 80-year-old with a pregnant young wife joke.

Then I searched on "abramoff":

Rick, good to see you today. excited about the prospects of the new office,kitchen cabinet/advisory team, etc.

as we discussed, jack abramoff is joining barry richards' law firm,
Greenberg Traurig, on january 1. richards was just named lawyer of the year
by the American lawyer while abramoff is arguably the most influential and
effective gop lobbyist in congress. i share several clients with him and
have yet to see him lose a battle. he also is very close to Delay and could
help enormously on that front. raised $ for bush. until december 31 he can
be reached at 202-661-3851. he assistant is Susan Ralston.

And I came across this one searching for "George W. Bush". It's from a woman called Cara.

Hi Honey,

I hope you are having a good day, I sure enjoyed playing a bit this morning.
(Although I had a little bout of blue bush) I just love having you around all
the time.

What the hell is "blue bush"?

Literary Miscellany

• Garrison Keillor reviews "American Vertigo: Traveling America in the Footsteps of Tocqueville" by Bernard-Henri Lévy in the New York Times. "Don't let the door hit you on the way out," he concludes.
  
• For many of us, Eudora Welty is just a belch gag on "The Simpsons". The Dallas Morning News reviews "Early Escapades", and quotes this verse she wrote about a heavyset dorm supervisor at college:
  

  "Where'er she goes forever more,
  The Butler bosom goes before.
  But still and all, I think you'll find
  That most of Butler goes behind."

  
  Sounds like she would have enjoyed the Simpsons reference.
  
• I'm currently reading "Wodehouse: A Life". There's something unsettling about Wodehouse's character, as portrayed here. While quite amiable and naive in some ways (as with the infamous Nazi broadcasts), he was a disciplined writer and "clinically decisive" in business. But what a funny man. After the French authorities ruled that he was no longer "dangerous to the Republic", he wrote to a friend:
  

  Up till now, of course, the Republic has been ducking into hallways when I come along, swallowing nervously and whispering 'Cheese it, boys! Here comes Wodehouse!'

  
  
• Arthur Golden, author of "Memoirs Of A Geisha" has admitted that he was never actualy a geisha. He was merely a courtesan.
  
• Will Oprah have Krusty the Klown on her show next, and attack his autobiography as "self-serving with many glaring omissions"? How about Monty Burns and his "Will There Be Another Rainbow?" (Interesting web find: a Disney artist called Carl Barks made many collectible paintings of Scrooge McDuck, including one called "Always Another Rainbow".
  

Movies: Mixed-Up Titles

Mixing up movie titles - older movies this time.

• "Animal Farmhouse" - Farmyard animals rise up against the humans at a college Fraternity. But the pigs prove to be as corrupt as the humans they overthrew, justifying their conduct with the slogan, "Four kegs good, two kegs bad".
  
• "The Princess Motorcycle Diaries" - An awkward teenage girl discovers that she is related to a South American revolutionary. As he grooms her to succeed him, she learns that true beauty comes from within, and that Che Guevara is an asshole.
  
• "The Magnificent Seven Brides For Se7en Brothers" - A Mexican village hires seven gunfighting women to defend them against seven serial killer brothers who use the Seven Deadly Sins as their "calling card". Musical.
  
• "Beyond The Sea Inside" - Suffering from an illness that causes him to look 20 years older than he should, Bobby Darin fights for his right to die.
  
• "The Gods Must Be Crazy/Beautiful" - An African tribe encounters civilisation for the first time when a self-destructive teen falls from the sky.
  
• "'Round Midnight Run" - A bounty hunter must transport an alcoholic sax player from Paris to Los Angeles.
  

Music: History

Who was #1 on the day you were born? Me? "He's So Fine" by the Chiffons. Did George Harrison steal the melody for "My Sweet Lord"? You be the judge.

Lyrics Quiz: Devils

Name these devilish songs:

1. Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me.
   
2. When I was a little boy (when I was just a boy) and the devil would call my name (when I was just a boy).
   
3. I have held the hand of the devil. It was warm in the night. I was cold as a stone.
   
4. I've been searching for the daughter of the devil himself. I've been searching for an angel in white.
   
5. There's a thousand pretty women just waitin' out there. They're all livin' devil-may-care. And I'm just the devil with love to spare.
   
6. If man is 5, if man is 5, if man is 5, then the devil is 6.
   
7. I spend my cash on looking flash and grabbing your attention. The devil take your stereo and your record collection!
   
8. The devil will find work for idle hands to do. I stole and I lied, and why? Because you asked me to!
   
9. Now lemme tell you a story. The devil he has a plan. A bag o' bones in his pocket. Got anything you want.
   
10. And the devil's not in the details, no, the devil is in my pants.
    

Movies: Expletives

Wikipedia has a list of films that use the F-word a lot. #1 is "The Devil's Rejects", directed by Rob Zombie. I'm surprised that "Pulp Fiction" is only #15 and "The Commitments" a measly #46.

TV: "Bleak House"

I enjoyed the first part of "Bleak House" on PBS tonight. Casting was very fine - undoubtedly Johnny Vegas's best work (although I hear his Bottom is magnificent), and I didn't recognise Matthew Kelly.

I didn't like the "modern" elements, like the eerie wind noise that came out of nowhere, and the whip pans. And the music drew too much attention to itself.

I noticed that the interior doors were the same as doors today: six "faux" panels, with the top two smaller than the other four. When did this become the standard design for doors? Isn't it about time we had a new design? (Bob Vila has a good article on doors, and he names the different parts: panels, mullion, rails, stiles.)

(Read the novel online.)

Logos: Ovals

Intel - just another oval logo. Now, an oval inside an oval - that's classy!

Winter Sports: Lindsey Jacobellis

I thought the Visa's commercial featuring snowboarder Lindsey Jacobellis was poorly conceived, but apparently that's because I misunderstood it. According to the USOC:

In the spot, Jacobellis is visibly nervous while preparing to compete in a qualifying race. Her coach makes numerous attempts to curb her anxiety using a number of sports psychology tactics. When those motivational efforts prove unsuccessful, he asks her to imagine that her Visa Check Card has just been stolen. At that moment she regains her confidence and takes off for the starting gate.

See, I thought she had lost her competitive edge, so the coach said her card was stolen in order to "fire her up". But then the voiceover nullifies that by talking about Visa's "Zero Liability". Surely I'm not the only one confused? No. Still, she has a nice smile. Who is the actor who plays her coach? He seems familiar.

Movies: "School For Scoundrels"

They're remaking "School For Scoundrels, or How To Win Without Actually Cheating!". I don't remember much from the 1960 original, but you can't go wrong with Terry-Thomas, Alastair Sim, and Peter Jones.

The film was based on the slim "Lifemanship" books of Stephen Potter (available from Amazon). The books describe amusing "ploys" to gain "upmanship" on your opponents in sport or life. One example (that I've used myself on occasion) is to ask a fellow-golfer whether he breathes in or out during his downswing. It should have the same effect as asking a centipede how it walks. As Branch Rickey said about baseball, "A full mind is an empty bat."

The new version will star Jon Heder from "Napoleon Dynamite" and Billy Bob Thornton, as well as Sarah Silverman and David Cross, so it might have a chance of being funny. Then again, the director did "Road Trip" and "Starsky & Hutch", so my enthusiasm is curbed, leashed, muzzled and fixed.

Movie Quote Quiz: Baby

Name the movies from whence these "Baby" quotes cometh.

1. Hasta la vista, baby.
   
2. I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' babies.
   
3. Nobody puts Baby in a corner.
   
4. The dingo's got my baby!
   
5. Three tomatoes are walking down the street- a poppa tomato, a momma tomato, and a little baby tomato.
   
6. Please baby, please baby, please baby, baby, baby, please!
   
7. I can't have a baby, I have a 12 o'clock lunch meeting!
   
8. For me, it's like I've just given birth to my own baby girl, except she's like a big giant girl who smokes and says "shit" a lot. You know?
   
9. Baby, that was money! Tell me that wasn't money.
   
10. Me and Dot went in to adopt on account a' somethin' went wrong with my semen, and they said we had to wait five years for a healthy white baby. I said, "Healthy white baby? Five years? What else you got?" Said they got two Koreans and a negra born with his heart on the outside. It's a crazy world.
    

MP3: Fox

Fluxblog has a song I hadn't heard in years - "S-s-single Bed" by Fox. Available on a 1976 compilation at Amazon, along with "You Sexy Thing", "Afternoon Delight", "Howzat", "Jeans On" and "Devil Woman". Now that's what I call music! Lead singer Noosha Fox has been compared (vocally anyway) to Clare Grogan, Macy Gray and Alison Goldfrapp.

Internet: Million Dollar Homepage Clones

The inevitable Million Dollar Homepage imitators have arrived. Million Dollar Screenshot. Shell sent me a link to Dead Body Guy - he's selling advertising space (and mugs and t-shirts). I like Fill My Room! - for every dollar donated, he'll add a Lego block to the stack in the corner. So far he has 524 blocks. Meanwhile, the original has suffered a Distributed Denial Of Service attack, and has received a "ransom note".

TV: "Golden Globes"

Blogger SaveManny has screenshots of Isaac Mizrahi fondling Scarlett Johansson's breasts on E!. (And he makes the obvious "golden globes" joke.) I love the inset picture of Ryan Seacrest and Debbie Matenopoulos - Seacrest seems to be asking, "Why would anyone want to touch those things?" Are we sure that was really Mizrahi and not the guy who posed as him at the MTV Awards on Buzzkill?

Music Videos: 2005 Top 50

Mr. Packwood sent me the link for the Top 50 Music Videos of 2005. "So," I replied, "any you recommend?" "Actually, I couldn't be arsed to watch any of them." Bloody typical.

Most of them are in the hated ".mov" format which I'm boycotting. I did watch a Danish band's video, "No Balance Palace" by Kashmir - it's interesting only to see if the girl on the right has a wardrobe malfunction (not on my choppy viewing). Bloody hell, they got Lou Reed and David Bowie to guest on their album. How did they do that? Hear Uncle Lou. Hear the Thin White Duke.

Definitely check out "Low C" by Supergrass, a wonderfully warm-hearted documentary/travelogue to the town of Weeki Wachee in Florida. They've got mermaids!

Music: Song Tapper

Try Song Tapper. You tap out the melody of a song (using your spacebar) and it tries to guess the song. Could be useful (eventually) if you have a tune stuck in your head. I say "eventually" because, right now, it knows less than 4000 songs and it's success rate is about 50%. (It cheats by guessing about 10 titles each time.) It got "I Walk The Line", "I Like To Be In America" (that was a gimme), "Bohemian Rhapsody", "When I'm 64" and "Yellow Submarine", but didn't get "Walk On The Wild Side", "Candle In The Wind" or "Heart Of Gold". It didn't know "Heart Of Gold" but it has now added it to its database - and it guessed it right the next time I played it.

TV: Trivia Quiz

For each group, identify what they have in common.

1. "Home Improvement", "M*A*S*H", "NYPD Blue", "The Larry Sanders Show", "Sports Night"
   
2. "American Idol", "The Tracey Ullman Show", "The Arsenio Hall Show"
   
3. "The Rockford Files", "Hill Street Blues", "Law & Order", "NYPD Blue"
   
4. "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "Get Smart", "The Critic", "JAG"
   
5. David Schwimmer ("Friends"), Alan Alda/Mike Farrell/Harry Morgan/Jamie Farr ("M*A*S*H"), Danny DeVito ("Taxi"), Steve Buscemi ("The Sopranos")
   

Photography: Lou Reed

Lou Reed's photos of New York. His photos are being exhibited at two New York galleries thorugh February 25th. (And you can pre-order a book of these photos for 50 freaking dollars.) Lou will be playing at the Winter Olympics (along with Andrea Bocelli, Ricky Martin, and Avril Lavigne), according to his web site. (Check out the "video" of the Velvet Underground performing "Sister Ray" on the Lawrence Welk Show.)

Movies: "The Matrix"

Rolling Stone article about Larry Wachowski, co-director of "The Matrix", and his unusual sexual proclivities. The article blames Larry's personal life for causing the two sequels to suck so very, very badly. I still haven't bothered to see the 3rd part after being so disappointed by the 2nd.

Music: "Jane Says"

Shell directs you to this article about the Jane's Addiction song, "Jane Says" and its inspiration, Jane Bainter.

Other song inspirations:

• The Velvet Underground's "Candy Says" - Candy Darling, transvestite and Andy Warhol associate.
  
• The Beatles' "Dear Prudence" - Prudence Farrow, former sister-in-law of Woody Allen.
  
• R.E.M.'s "(Don't Go Back To) Rockville" - Ingrid Schorr, then girlfriend of Mike Mills. Read her side of the story - funny!
  

Lyrics Quiz: Funny

1. And I find it kind of funny. I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.
   
2. Ain’t nothing in the world like a big eyed girl to make me act so funny, make me spend my money.
   
3. It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside. I'm not one of those who can easily hide.
   
4. Oh it's so funny to be seeing you after so long, girl. And with the way you look I understand that you are not impressed.
   
5. Funny thing, but you can sing it with a cry in your voice.
   
6. Ain’t it funny how you feel when you’re findin’ out it’s real?
   
7. Oh, I, I got a funny feeling when she walked in the room and I, as I recall, it ended much too soon.
   
8. In and out of Wandsworth with the numbers on their names. It's funny how their missus always look the bleeding same.
   
9. If you're so funny, then why are you on your own tonight?
   
10. Teacher thinks that I sound funny but she likes the way you sing.
    

Music: Isobel Campbell and Mark Lanegan

Stream tracks from an EP by Isobel Campbell (ex-Belle and Sebastian) and Mark Lanegan (ex-Screaming Trees). Their voices go well together.

Movies: Overrated Actors

On a transatlantic flight, they were showing a film I'd never heard of, "Noel". I was trying to sleep so I didn't bother putting on headphones. Every time I looked up and saw Susan Sarandon, it occurred to me what an overrated actress she is. She did the "sexy older woman" thing she always does. She did the "strong woman shows her vulnerable side" thing she always does. She did the "googly eyes like Bette Davis" thing she always does. Hang it up, Sarandon!

Most overrated actor? Gene Hackman. I haven't watched him on mute yet to verify this, but I'm pretty sure it's him.

Most overrated movie of all time? "Twilight".

TV: Letterman v O'Reilly

The Wahoo Gazette summarises last night's "Late Show", including the interview with Bill O'Reilly. Highlight from Dave: "I am not smart enough to debate you point by point on this, but I have a feeling about 60% of what you say is crap...but I don't know that for a fact." You can watch the video too.

Movies: One Word Summaries

The Sunday Times' TV listings magazine, "Culture", likes to finish its descriptions of films with a one word summary. The films for New Year's Eve:

• The Wedding Planner - "Clichéd."
  
• The Guns Of Navarone - "Rollicking."
  
• King Ralph - "Tired."
  
• Brigadoon - "Enchanting."
  
• The Fugitive - "Gripping."
  
• Police Academy VII: Mission To Moscow - "Dire."
  

A very Happy New Year to everyone, except those bastards at BT Ireland. I hope they choke on their noise-makers.

Sports: Football

• From The Times, the Christmas message from the Lithuanian majority shareholder of Scottish team, Heart Of Midlothian:
  

  "...there are also those — be they agents, journalists, jealous hangers-on or other 'wunderkind' — who seek to ruin all that is good about the game. But it is the devil that is driving them forward, and they are not going to stop. All that will remain for me is to step aside and bid them farewell on their road to hell."

  
  
• That's a funny name for a football club, isn't it? Named after the Walter Scott novel (which you can read online)?
  
• There is a Welsh team called Airbus UK. Their grounds features retractable floodlights because they're beside a runway.
  

Lyrics Quiz: Christmas

Lyrics Quiz for Christmas.

1. And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas time.
   
2. Did you ever see the faces Of the children? They get so excited. Waking up on Christmas morning, hours before the winter sun's ignited.
   
3. They sold me a dream of Christmas, they sold me a silent night. They told me a fairy story, 'til I believed in the Israelite.
   
4. Fah who for-aze! Dah who dor-aze! Welcome Christmas, come this way!
   
5. Happy Christmas. I wrapped it up and sent it With a note saying "I love you". I meant it.
   
6. And every day's like Christmas Day without you - it's cold and there's nothing to do.
   
7. Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! But I think I'll miss this one this year.
   
8. Mom got drunk and Dad got drunk at our Christmas party. We were drinking champagne punch and homemade eggnog.
   
9. Two years ago today I was arrested on Christmas Eve.
   

Bonus Christmas greeting from the Cardigans.

Bonus bonus: my favourite song of the season: "Christmas On Riverside Drive" by Kid Creole and the Coconuts (MP3 available here with a load of August Darnell songs).

Internet: Whorepresents.com

The always amusing Caitlin Moran writes in The Times about Whorepresents.com, a website that is actually "Who Represents", not "Whore Presents". (It tells you which agency represents which entertainer - but don't bother going there as it requires a subscription.)

Internet: Santa Hack

How to hack a WalMart Santa (found via Gizmodo).

Lookalikes: David Cameron

The Times points out the uncanny resemblance between new Tory leader David Cameron and Data from "Star Trek". They're right!

Politics: Bertie Ahern

If any Irish people try to give me guff about George W. Bush not being the sharpest sandwich in the picnic basket, I'll express my "sympaty" for their head of "goverment", for that is how Irish Taoiseach Bertie Ahern signed a book of condolences for George Best. This Irish Times article has more examples of Bertie-isms, like "Don't upset the apple tart."

Speaking of Best, the BBC has quotes by and about him, including the immortal "Where did it all go wrong?"

Lookalikes: Salman Rushdie

Shell insists that Salman Rushdie looks like "Harry Potter" Daniel Radcliffe. Apparently, I lack "imagination" because I don't see the resemblance.

In this photo, I think he looks more like Channel 8 weatherman Troy Dungan - or his evil twin.

Music: Girl Groups

Gift idea for pop music lovers: "One Kiss Can Lead To Another: Girl Group Sounds Lost And Found", a box set of 4 CDs of girl groups. Mainly rarities, so if you want the classic songs, you'd be better off with a one disc "greatest hits" like this.

Some of the performers and producers featured on the box set: Sandie Shaw, Brenda Lee (with Jimmy Page on guitar), Twiggy, David Gates, Dolly Parton (produced by Ray Stevens), Toni Basil (song written by Graham Gouldman of 10CC)

There's also a group called The Girls, four sisters named Sandoval. Could they be related to Hope Sandoval of Mazzy Star/Warm Inventions fame? The cheekbones look similar.

The CDs come packaged in a "hat box", which is a cute idea but takes up a lot of space.

If you hurry, you can download my favorite song from the set, "He Makes Me So Mad" by the Hollywood Jills, at Sound Bites. Like Sound Bites, I did a doubletake when I heard the start of a Dusty Springfield song and realised that it had been stolen wholesale by Saint Etienne.

Internet: Amazon Reviewer

Came across this review of a broadband router on Amazon.co.uk:

Even though Amazon states it requires a modem, I got it anyway as normally routers are built to elliminate the need for a modem in the first place. It DOES require a modem, and the connection is RJ45 so no just connecting to your DLS splitter. Been in IT for a good few years and for a top 5 router to have no modem is just pants. Returning for a Netgear. Bizarre.

Yes, as OMC said, how bizarre that Amazon should state it doesn't include a modem - and then it turns out that it doesn't include a modem!

"Pants", for non-Brits, is slang" for "not very good", deriving from "underpants". It was even used by a Home Office official rejecting an asylum seeker's case.

Do the British overuse catchphrases? I think they do. Every fifth review on Amazon.co.uk uses the tired expression, "It does exactly what it says on the tin", which is the slogan for Ronseal woodcare products.

Lyrics Quiz: JFK

Lyrics Quiz for the day that's in it. You'll do well if you get more than three.

1. I shouted out: "Who killed the Kennedys?", when, after all, it was you and me.
   
2. Anybody here seen my old friend John? Can you tell me where he's gone? He freed a lot of people, but it seems the good die young.
   
3. J.F.K. blown away. What else do I have to say?
   
4. My mother cried when President Kennedy died. She said it was the communists but I knew better.
   
5. Who's got the brain of JFK? What's it mean to us now...yeah?
   
6. I was born the day they shot JFK. The way you look at me sucks me down the sidewalk. Somebody please tell this machine I'm not a machine.
   
7. And then a guy in a Porsche with a radio hit his horn and told us the news. He said: "The president's dead, he was shot twice in the head in Dallas, and they don't know by whom."
   
8. I wanna die just like JFK. I wanna die on a sunny day. I wanna die just like JFK. I wanna die in the USA.
   
9. People got more baggage than JFK, yeah. And I'm talkin about the airport, man.
   

Oh, and that Dream Academy song from the other day.

One of the above songs is Lou Reed's "The Day John Kennedy Died" (yeah, right, like you would have got that one). Lou also sings:

The team from the University was playing football on TV."

JFK was shot on a Friday, early afternoon. It seems highly unlikely that any college team would be playing a game then. Lou's alma mater is Syracuse University, and their schedule for 1963 shows no game on 11/22.

Internet: Wikipedia

IBM's Research group provides a visualisation of Wikipedia page changes. Not sure what it means, but it's purty.

Lyrics Quiz: Beatles

Songs that mention the Beatles:

1. He said "In winter 1963, it felt like the world would freeze. With John F. Kennedy. And the Beatles."
   
2. All that phony Beatlemania has bitten the dust.
   
3. "Lawrence of Arabia", British Beatlemania. Ole Miss, John Glenn, Liston beats Patterson.
   
4. Why don't the Beatles get back together? Why don't nobody sing of romance?
   
5. Fear in the air, tension everywhere. Unemployment rising fast, the Beatles new record's a gas.
   
6. I asked Bobby Dylan, I asked the Beatles, I asked Timothy Leary, but he couldn't help me either.
   
7. Johnny was a school boy when he heard his first Beatles song. `Love Me Do' I think it was, and from then it didn't take him long.
   

I had these two before:

1. I don't believe in Zimmerman. I don't believe in Beatles. I just believe in me.
   
2. Well, my brother's back at home with his Beatles and his Stones.
   

Music: Copyright Law

Contrary to common belief, there is no "four note" rule for music sampling.

List of famous copyright cases, including the Verve's "Bittersweet Symphony". (More info on that case.)

Music: Amazon Customer Reviews

Read this Amazon customer review of the Cardigans' "Super Extra Gravity" for an example of bad writing style. Overwrought? Yes. Using long words when simple ones would be better? Yes. Ignoring basic rules of punctuation? Yes. Incomprehensible at times? Definitely. Take it away, C. Lynch:

I've never written a review before for a cd, but felt compelled as the latest work from The Cardigans struck me as something great and I feared they would be spoken of badly or misinterpreted by someone, hindering another from experiencing this revolution in music.

Their music seems to move with the general feeling of the musically inclined at that point and time, even so far as initiating the next wave of emotion.

But trusting them, I bought the cd and soon it took the reigns of my emotions that I'd unsuccessfully controlled, and steered me into a direction that I almost wasn't sure that I was allowed to feel.

By the way, you can see the video for "I need some fine wine and you, you need to be nicer" here. I know I blogged this before but RB hasn't seen it yet. Oh, it's in Real Player format, and he hates that as much as I hate QuickTime. Here's a Natalie Portman Japanese shampoo commercial instead.

Music: Best Non-Album Single

Eric extends the B-side discussion to this topic: what is the best song that was only issued on a single, not on an album (apart from compilations)?

He suggests the Led Zeppelin b-side "Hey, Hey What Can I Do" (which Shell mentioned today as the best b-side - although he may have referred to it as "Hey Hey My My").

I'll nominate two Roxy Music singles: their incredible debut "Virginia Plain", and "Pyjamarama".

Have to mention the Smiths - "Ask" and "Panic".

For nostalgia, how about ABBA's "Summer Night City" from 1978?

TV: "Veronica Mars"

"Veronica Mars" is a fine TV show. Well-plotted, smart dialogue and a cast that is almost perfect - especially the charming Kristen Bell (yes, she likes dogs).

Excellent music too - very fond of Air. The creator of the show, Rob Thomas (not the Matchbox 20 guy), was in various bands in Austin, TX. One of his bands played support to Something Happens, which explains how they got to be on the soundtrack.

The only miscasting, to my mind, was Brandon Hillock as Deputy Sacks, as the mush-mouthed, sleepy cop who was one of Veronica's love interests in season one. He has no other credits on IMDb. I Googled him to see what could possibly be his claim to fame that got him this gig. Remember this story about costumed characters shaking down tourists on Hollywood Boulevard, and this photo of Elmo and Mr. Incredible being arrested? Well, the story says:

The hotly competitive environment underscores basic divisions among the characters. Some are weekend hobbyists who take their performance seriously and aren't so concerned about getting paid; others see the gig as a full-time job in which they must scramble for every dollar.

In the former camp are two very passable Johnny Depp impersonators -- Jim Calibur, who portrays Captain Jack Sparrow from "Pirates of the Caribbean" and Brandon Hillock, who plays Willy Wonka from "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" -- who work together. They pool their resources and give tourists a double dose of Mr. Depp. Both men have spent more than $1,000 on their costumes.

Could it be the same guy?

Music: B-Sides

Stylus has a "Non-Definitive Guide To The B-Side". They omit the greatest B-side of all time (I don't think it meets their criteria), "The Sweetest Thing" by U2. Second greatest is "Lover" by Roxy Music (B-side of "Same Old Scene").

Here's an Australian list (that does include "The Sweetest Thing").

Retail: Best Buy

Overheard at the Best Buy in Grapevine, TX. (White) mother, confidently, to her pre-teen children: "R&B is the same as Hip-Hop." Then, less confidently: "Let's ask those black guys."

Best Buy's in-store radio has had a lone male DJ for a while. Over-earnest but not too objectionable. Now they've paired him with a female DJ, and they make inane, obviously scripted small talk between songs. Very objectionable.

Mish Mash

• Pitchfork has The Worst Record Covers Of All Time. Some are very obscure but they are bad.
  
• Eric suggests a "Separated At Birth": Eagles' owner Jeffrey Lurie and SNL head honcho Lorne Michaels. I see a resemblance.
  
• Sports appropriate name: 49ers QB Cody Pickett - he'll be throwing a lot of picks. (And throwing off pickers.)
  
• A piece of silk challenged some rough woollen fabric to a race. Not surpisingly, the silk won easily. It jeered the wool: "You're bested!" "No," said the wool, "I'm worsted."
  
• Moroccan Role has very appealing tracks by Lawrence, KS band, OK Jones. Like a more tuneful, less freaky Wilco.
  

Music: Most Disappointing Albums

Great list of "100 MOST DISAPPOINTING ALBUMS" at Productshop NYC. I definitely agree with:

97. Suede – Dog Man Star
81. Paul Weller – Stanley Road (despite recent 10th anniversary celebrations)
64. U2 – Pop
61. Pixies – Bossonova
50. Air - 10,000 Hz
41. Blur – The Great Escape
18. Belle & Sebastian - Fold Your Hands Child, You Walk Like A Peasant
2. Stone Roses – Second Coming (and I agree that it has improved with age)

Disagree with:

86. Lou Reed – Metal Machine Music (how can you be "disappointed" with a double album of noise?)
54. Pink Floyd - The Wall
36. Ryan Adams – Rock N Roll (great pastiches of 1980s music)

And I would have replaced De La Soul's "Art Official Intelligence: Mosaic Thump" with "De La Soul Is Dead". And here are my suggestions:

• The Waterboys - "Room To Roam" (what a let down after the mighty "Fisherman's Blues")
  
• D'Angelo - "Brown Sugar" (the title track was great - the rest of the album was too smooth)
  
• Prince - just about everything after "Sign O' The Times"
  

Internet: Pat Wants

(As seen around the Internet, with the words "needs" instead of "wants.) Google "-your name- wants" and list the top 10 results. What does Pat want?

1. Pat wants to blow it up, real good.
   
2. Pat wants Jared dead.
   
3. Pat wants to meet Chris and greet him.
   
4. Pat wants to transfer her policy to a charitable remainder trust.
   
5. Pat wants to phone at the mall.
   
6. Pat wants US jobs to stay in the US.
   
7. Pat wants to fix fog_coord to apply the decision as to where the fog coord comes from at a per-vertex level - e.g. move the mux up to the RasterPos level.
   
8. Pat wants his wife back to take care of the children and run the house.
   
9. Pat wants to be perceived as playing off fear.
   
10. Pat wants to send out a press release automatically.
    

So that's how Thom Yorke writes his lyrics!

Music: Paul McCartney

Everyone's least favourite Beatle, Paul McCartney, is to serenade astronauts on the International Space Station. I hope this turns out better than James Taylor singing "Fire And Rain" to Homer Simpson and Buzz Aldrin.

Funny Names

The Chairman and CEO of ConocoPhillips? James Mulva.

Hoax: Ronaldinho Nike Commercial

Nike ad of Ronaldhino (the ugliest woman to ever play mens' football) trying some new boots. He hits the crossbar multiple times. Generally reckoned to be fake.

The pickup ad where it survives being hit by a meteor? Definitely real.

Blurry photo (or is it Art?) of a lizard with no tail. The tail has since grown back but the other lizards still shun him. 

Politics: GOP Babes

Just saw Govindini Murty on C-SPAN. No surprise that she was the New Jersey GOP Babe Of The Week. (Full archive here. Surprising that it wasn't until Week 18 that they featured Michelle Malkin, who was raised in NJ.) Back to Murty. She co-created the Liberty Film Festival and is a protege of Michael Medved.

And the hottest babe in the Liberal Media? Still Lara Logan, now on "60 Minutes".

Music: U2

U2 brings all-girl band on stage in LA. You can hear the girls' version of "Out Of Control" here - a little too faithful to the original.

The Simpsons: Bands Named After...

Wikipedia lists bands named after "The Simpsons". I've seen Fallout Boy and Evergreen Terrace at Best Buy. Wikipedia doesn't have The Flaming Moes, an Australian cover band. There's an Irish cover band of the same name that performs on special occasions.

Politics: California

Political animation from some Democrat who wants to be Governor of California. Love the Cheney Monster.

TV: Bad Dialogue Game

Which of this bad TV dialog(ue) is genuine, and which did I make up?

1. Geena Davis on "Commander-In-Chief": "I'm not just the Commander, damn it - I'm the Commander-In-Chief".
   
2. Summer on "The OC": "The more time I spend with Zack, the less I have to think about...ew...what's his face...built like a bean pole, curly hair, runs away like a little bitch on his sailboat, leaving nothing but a note for his girlfriend, who cried and cried over him until the 4th of July, when she decided she doesn't cry over bitches on boats."
   
3. Red on "That 70s Show": "Who would want a phone without a cord? Son, you're wasting your time with that...cordless phone!"
   
4. Samantha on "Sex And The City": "Don't move to the suburbs, Charlotte! No one ever talks about Sex and the Suburbs."
   
5. Pat O'Brien on "The Insider": "And later in the show, we get an exclusive look at Nicole Richie's new fragrance - for pooches!"
   
6. Dylan Walsh on "Nip/Tuck: "Wow! That girl is so ugly she needs a nip AMPERSAND tuck!"
   
7. Emily Procter on "CSI:Miami": "You may be a lawyer, but I'm a CSI. A damn good one."
   

Movies: Mixing Up Titles

More fun with mixed-up movie titles.

• "Capote Ugly" - A Southern would-be writer makes his way to New York City, where he gets a job dancing at a bar (and on the bar!) in skimpy outfits.
  
• "North Country Forty" - As the first woman to play for the Dallas Cowboys, Charlize Theron faces sexual harassment until she fights back with a landmark lawsuit.
  
• "Flightplanic Room" - Airplane designer Jodie Foster and her daughter must hide in the cargo hold when the flight attendants go on a rampage. Those damn dirty flight attendants.
  
• "Good Night, Moon, And Good Luck" - In 1950s America, Sen. Joe McCarthy leads a witch-hunt that tries to say "Good Night" to everything visible from a child's bedroom. The only one who can stop him is a TV journalist - who's also a mouse!
  
• "The Little Shopgirl Of Horrors" - A beautiful young shop assistant is pursued by a nerdy florist and a sadistic dentist (Steve Martin). But watch out for the man-eating plant!
  
• "Kissy Kissy Bang Bang" - An eccentric professor invents a flying car. Then he's mistaken for an actor, and gets involved in a murder investigation. And that's all I've got for this one. Still, it's a good title.
  

Sports: Bad Football Jerseys

How dumb is it that Oklahoma State football jerseys just say "State" on the front? Can you be a little more specific, Cowboys? There are 49 states after all. (Grandpa Simpson: "I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missourah!")

And we can all agree with Eric Moneypenny of FOX Sports that the Florida uniforms with the orange shoulders are ridiculous. It looked like all their players had their left arms in a sling.

Internet: Wikipedia

The Guardian asks, Can you trust Wikipedia?, and has experts grade some entries. (But can we trust the Guardian? No.)

A fellow called Matthew White maintains a WikiWatch. He mentions hoax articles (like the Vampire Watermelon, but has stopped giving the details so he can see how long they last.

Is this Jim-Jack-Paddy-Whack entry (about a purported Jack Daniels-Jimmy Dean sausage cocktail) a hoax? Google doesn't turn up any other reference.

Numbers: Roman Numerals

Why do movies and some TV programmes use Roman Numerals in the copyright notice at the end? The BBC specifically requires Roman Numerals when they commission shows. Wikipedia says this started as a way for film companies to distibute older films without their age being obvious.

Here's a Roman Numeral Converter that also allows you to test your conversion skills.

And Cecil Adams/Straight Dope explains why clock faces use "IIII" for 4 instead of "IV".

Shell: The Real Exorcist?

Fascinating story in the St. Louis version of the Dallas Observer. It discusses a house in St. Louis where the actual exorcism that inspired William Peter Blatty's book, and the subsequent movie, supposedly took place. What? You thought it happened in Washington? So did I, and in fact once took a leak at the foot of those famously steep outdoor steps. Got back into the car and discovered a freshly broken zipper. True story. But click here to see how this story ended up in Missouri.

http://www.riverfronttimes.com/Issues/2005-10-26/news/feature.html

Media: Private Eye

Lots of rude stuff in the latest Private Eye online, including this about an Austrian town with an unfortunate name.

Sports: Bud Selig

Selig orders the Astros to keep the roof open - maybe someone should tell Selig to keep his mouth shut. There, I said it.

Poem: "All About The Benjamin"

New Fed Chief Benjamin Bernanke
Promises that there will be neither hanke nor panke.

Music Quiz

1. Who owned the goldfish that flopped around in Faith No More's video for "Epic"?
   

   (a) Madonna (b) Bjork (c) Flea (d) Cher

   
   
2. Which alt.country star got married for the 7th time this summer?
   

   (a) Steve Earle (b) Billy Joe Shaver
   (c) David Allan Coe (d) Emmylou Harris

   
   
3. When I was listening to Pink Floyd's "Breathe" today, what song did it remind me of (maybe it's the A chord they have in common)?
   

   (a) "Lay Lady Lay" by Bob Dylan
   (b) "Run Run Run" by the Velvet Underground
   (c) "Down By The River" by Neil Young
   (d) "21st Century Schizoid Man" by King Crimson

   
   
4. Which of these was offered a job in Dire Straits?
   

   (a) Steve Wariner (b) Bruce Cockburn
   (c) Bruce Hornsby (d) Vince Gill

   
   
5. Match the composer with the cause of his death:
   

   (a) Webern (b) Tchaikovsky
   (c) Chopin (d) Chausson

   
   

   (i) Tuberculosis
   (ii) Accidentally shot by an American soldier
   (iii) Bicycle accident
   (iv) Cholera or Suicide, depending on who you believe

   
   
6. Which (plural) of these bands contained actual brothers?
   

   (a) The Righteous Brothers
   (b) The Everly Brothers
   (c) Was (Not Was)
   (d) The Ramones
   (e) Japan
   (f) Duran Duran
   (g) Spandau Ballet
   (h) The Velvet Underground

   
   

Words: "Could Have"

Note to speakers of American-English. The word "have" may sound like "of" when it follows "could", "would" or "should", but the correct word is still "have". Lots of bloggers, for example, are writing "could of". (One blog even uses it in its title.) Same goes for "would of" and "should of".

TV: "Globe Trekker"

Channel-surfing between innings of the World Series, caught some of "Globe Trekker" on the Travel Channel (what a bad web site they have). The episode I saw was about China. I was lured in by the host, Megan McCormick strolling through a Shanghai market in a tight white top, "headlights full on". But then she opened her mouth. There's something very annoying about her voice - a quavery, whiny quality reminiscent of Sarah Jessica Parker.

Saturday Miscellany

• Further to my "Wainwright" item, CA wonders if "Rufus Wainwright" means "someone who builds Little Red Wagons"?
  
• Excel version of the boardgame "Black Box" is available here. There's also a link to the rules.
  
• Like independent artists doing irony-filled cover versions of pop songs? Like podcasts? Then check out Coverville. (I like the version of "Sound Of The Underground" by Northern Ireland band, The 4 Of Us.)
  
• What do you get for the man who owns Spencer Gifts?
  
• Remember Heaven 17? They were an offshoot from the Human League. After their first flush of success, the band took a holiday together in Brazil. The highlight of the trip was supposed to be an expedition into the Amazon rainforest. The band hired a native guide for the trek. Everything went swimmingly until they strayed off course and ended up in a hidden city founded by Nazis who fled Germany after WWII. The Nazis, naturally, weren't happy that their hidden city had ben discovered. As they advanced meancingly upon the band, the guide whispered that the only thing that could save them now would be to play totalitarian dance music, as the Nazis were slaves to the rhythm. "Do you have some machine that could play such music?" asked the guide. The band members exchanged sheepish looks. "Um," said Martyn Ware meekly, "we did have a Fascist Groove Thang, but we didn't think we'd need it."
  

Comedy: Sarah Silverman

Heeb magazine has Sarah Silverman on the cover of their "sex" issue. There's a short excerpt of the feature story at their web site. Check out the trailer for her upcoming movie "Jesus Is Magic", sure to offend everyone. She sure is cute. Oh, a New Yorker interview, in full. Good piece. Guess she's offended Joe Franklin.

Lyrics Quiz: Wonder

Some very easy ones, here.

1. Ooh, it makes me wonder. Ooh, it really makes me wonder.
   
2. Wonder how you manage to make ends meet. Who finds the money when you pay the rent?
   
3. It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe. It don't matter, anyhow.
   
4. If you're wondering why all the love that you long for eludes you, and people are rude and cruel to you. I'll tell you why.
   
5. Is it any wonder I reject you first?
   
6. ...I wonder if you can. No need for greed or hunger. A brotherhood of man.
   
7. Every day I wake up and it's Sunday. Whatever's in my head won't go away. The radio is playing all the usual. And what's a "wonderwall" anyway?
   
8. 'Cause I wonder where you are, and I wonder what you do. Are you somewhere feeling lonely or is someone loving you?
   
9. They say I must be one of the wonders of God's own creation. And as far as they can see, they can offer no explanation.
   
10. When I think back on all the crap I learned in high school, it’s a wonder I can think at all.
    
11. Over forty pointed people in the perfect pointed steeple looked to see the lucky number. Yes, the wonder of the tundra.
    

Internet: Onion AV Club

The Onion AV Club has a feature this week called The Underrated List. Underrated actor is Kurt Russell. Underrated guilty pleasure: user comments at IMDb ("uninformed, semi-literate"). Underrated defunct band: The Feelies. I was just thinking about them recently. One of the better Velvet Underground pastiches. Too bad their albums are unavailable on CD.

Music

Go this guy's (Jonathan Coulton) page of songs and vote in the upper right corner for the best solo.

Sports: Appropriate Names

Shell emailed me a story about Southern Illinois football coach Jerry Kill and his medical problems. I think Shell was bringing this sports-appropriate name to my attention, but since there were no comments on the email, it's hard to tell.

I did see Texas Tech safety Dwayne Slay unloading a "frightening shot" on the Kansas State QB. Tech has another safety called Vincent Meeks - not such an intimidating name.

If Sports = War, then the most appropriate name of all time was baseball great Enos Slaughter.

Least attractive name: Albert Pujols, which sounds like "Poo holes". Great home run, though.

Movies: Mixing Up Titles

Here's a fun way to annoy your cinephile friends: confuse similar titles. Shell likes to refer to "Finding Captain Nemo", and he calls that dirty-joke movie "The Aristocats". Here are my offerings.

• "Run Logan Run" - A futuristic policeman tries to escape his mandatory death at age 30. The story is told three times, with small twists of fate leading to three different outcomes.
  
• "Cold Back Mountain" - Two gay Civil War soldiers make their way home after violating the Confederacy's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.
  
• "The Gang That Couldn't Shoot Horses, Could They?" - A bumbling gang of Italian-American hoods enters a dance marathon.
  
• "Pale Whale Rider" - A Maori girl and her squinting preacher father protect a mining community from a white whale.
  
• "History Of The Violence, Part I" - Mel Brooks plays French king Louis XVI, but menacing thugs come to Versailles and insist that he's really Moses.
  
• "Run Soylent, Run Green" - A US submarine commander discovers the terrible secret about the food on board.
  

Words: Wainwright

What exactly is a Wainwright? Someone who makes wains. And what is a Wain? A horse-drawn wagon.
As in this poem by Robert Bridges:

The hazy darkness deepens,
And up the lane
You may hear, but cannot see,
The homing wain.

Here's an interesting article on the origin of Wainwright ("wright", like "wrought", comes from "work") that also explains the derivation of Smith.

Mathematics: 7-Up Trick

Number trick sponsored by 7-Up. (Click on the guy in the lower right corner to move to the next step.) I'll post my explanation in the Comments later. (Hint: most number puzzles I've seen revolve around a special property of 9.)

Lookalikes: Arte Moreno

You don't think that Walt Disney has been unfrozen, and given a new identity as owner of the Anaheim Angels, do you? This supposed "billboard billionaire" comes out of nowhere to buy a sports team from the Disney company? Whoa, dude - I'm freaking myself out.

Words: Kudos

Kudos is a singular noun (from the Greek) - there is no such thing as a "kudo", DrWeb. Nor is there an apostrophe, Savvy Chick.

What is the opposite of "kudos"? May I suggest "menudos"? As in, "Kudos to Spoon for their angular yet melodic pop-rock. Menudos to Robbers On High Street for sounding so much like Spoon.

There's always "brickbat". Is it a bat made out bricks, or a bat designed for hitting bricks? No, just a piece of brick. (From the Middle English sense of "bat", meaning a "chunk".)

This article on legal language quotes a case from 1631, when English was slowly replacing French:

(The accused) ject un brickbat a le dit justice, que narrowly mist.

Kudos is also the brand name of a granola bar that is very close to being a candy bar.

Sports: A-Rod

Alex Rodriguez - what a putz. He's quoted as saying, "I played great baseball all year...and I played like a dog the last five days."

Yeah, his numbers were pretty good this year but he shouldn't be the one to say it. Zero class. How great was it to see him ground into a double play last night and suck all the air out of the Yankees' rally?

Lyrics Quiz: Secrets

1. It's a little secret, just the Robinsons' affair. Most of all, you've got to hide it from the kids.
   
2. If I were to say to you, "Can you keep a secret?" Would you know just what to do, or where to keep it?
   
3. You reached for the secret too soon, you cried for the moon.
   
4. Turning and returning to some secret place inside. Watching in slow motion as you turn around and say...
   
5. It's no secret that a conscience can sometimes be a pest. It's no secret ambition bites the nails of success.
   
6. They say you have a secret life. Made sacrifice your key to paradise.
   
7. And ev'ryone will know, because you told the blabbering trees. Yes, you told them once before, and it's no secret any more.
   
8. I'll tell you all my secrets, but I lie about my past. And send me off to bed for evermore.
   

Sunday Miscellany

• Chromewaves has an MP3 of My Morning Jacket covering "Suspicious Minds".
  
• Robb has uncovered a rock feud - 16 years after the fact. In their 1989 song, "Regina", the Sugarcubes sing, "I really don't like lobster!". Obviously a jibe at the B-52's, says Robb, and their 1978 song "Rock Lobster". Robb is researching his next rock feud - looks like there may be trouble between Blur and Oasis.
  
• Would you trust your teeth to someone who can't spell "orthodontics"? No wonder they filed for bankruptcy.
  
• Did I hear Joe Buck say last week that a baseball manager would "have to take another tact"? He wouldn't be the only one.
  
• Another word-substitution I've seen lately: "tenant" for "tenet". This blogger asserts that "Compassion is apparently not a tenant of radical Islam". This one "would like to point out a fundamental tenant of our judicial system: innocent until proven guilty." This one believes in "small government, the smaller the better, which has always been an important tenant of Conservative ideology."
  
• It even happens for George Tenet.
  
• As suggested by Eric, anagrams of "Gloria Steinem", including "Male? Ignores it!" and "On girlie teams". And check out these enormous anagrams by Mike Keith. Jeremy's iron, indeed!
  

Cryptogram: Food

The return of the Cryptogram. This one contains a proper noun, and uses American English spelling.

CTNUAY CI HOTTN DELIT SUCK KUP

AHS QIPP DTIR UAWUE, HRZFINHH

ZTIHFEURHW: "SKHA UC HIRHP CI

PELITN YTOQ, U DELIT HOTTN."

Repeated Words in Song/Album Titles

An album from 1980 contains a word three non-consecutive times. What is this album, and can you think of other album/song titles with multiple, non-consecutive words? For example, "Hey Hey, My My" does not count. But if a song was titled "My Oh My", it would count.

These words, and those like them, obviously do not count: a, an, and, the.

Here's a starter: "It Ain't Over Til It's Over" by Lenny Kravitz.

Sports: Appropriate Names

Atlanta Braves outfielder Ryan Langerhans. "Langer" is Irish slang for an idiot (or the male member), and "hans" sounds like "hands" - so he's Ryan Idiot-Hands.

The Islets of Langerhans are cells in the pancreas, named after the German scientist Paul Langerhans.

What's that other body part (something in the ear?) that sounds like a geographical feature?

The Braves also have a third baseman called Wilson Betemit, which may or may not be pronounced like "Better Mitt".

Celebrities: Nicolas Cage

In a skit on SNL in 1992, Nicolas Cage played a father-to-be, shooting down all his wife's suggestions for baby names as being too easy for other kids to make fun of. (Punchline: his own name is Asswipe, pronounced "Os-wee-pay".) Well, now he's called his own baby Kal-el, which was Superman's baby name.

Music: My Morning Jacket

• The new My Morning Jacket CD, "Z", is only $7.99 at Best Buy this week. Come on, $7.99 - how can you go wrong?
  
• Opening track "Wordless Chorus" has a dub vibe without quite being reggae. Very summery.
  
• Most memorable lyrics on "Z"? "A good showerhead and my right hand. The two best lovers that I ever had."
  
• This is the sound of a band having fun. Is that the "Hawaii 5-0" theme creeping into "Off The Record"?
  
• Robb advises that MMJ's concert at Washington DC's 9:30 Club will be streamed live by npr.org on October 10th.
  
• Chromewaves is also talking about My Morning Jacket today.
  
• Here's how to make a Sextant from a CD.
  
• And, finally, my rant. Those stupid stickers along the top edge of CDs. Anti-theft, presumably. Allow easy browsing in record store. That's fine. But why do they have to use such gummy glue? It seems to be getting worse. Three of my recent purchases ("Z", Neil Young's "Prairie Wind", the Dandy Warhols' "Odditorium") have left most of the glue on the CD case. I'll never chastise my illegal-music-downloading friends again. Sock it to The Man, my brother. They don't care about us.
  

Poem: Harriet Miers

Harriet Miers:
"The Texas Pliers".

Music Video: OK Go

Well worth your time: the video for OK Go's "A Million Ways".

Feeble Attempt At Humour

I told my therapist about my recurring nightmare.

"There's a large grey bird sitting on my head. I try to shoo it away but it just stays there. Then I start to shrink - I get smaller and smaller but the bird stays the same size. Now I'm standing between the bird's legs - and then it sits down, forcing me up its arse. That's when I wake up in a cold sweat."

My therapist nodded slowly. "You're afraid of being pigeonholed."

Overheard

Overheard at the Ballpark In Arlington, during the fireworks show set to Beatles songs:

You don't like the Beatles? That's un-American!

Here's what's really American: all the people around me taking photos of the fireworks with their digital cameras and camera phones, then admiring their photos.