Saturday, April 30, 2005

Band List: Multiple Vocalists

Robb adds to the multiple vocalists discussion - belatedly, it's true, but he has the goods. All four members of KISS sang lead at one time, and the Eagles, on "One Of These Nights", have all five members take the lead: Don Henley, Glenn Frey, Randy Meisner ("Take It To The Limit"), Bernie Leadon (two "odd" songs, one co-written with Patti Davis), and Don Felder.
Here's a great idea I'm just throwing out for free. Some rapper should record a hip-hop version of "I'm My Own Granpa" and call it "I'm My Own Baby Mama".
I mentioned Mojave 3 the other day. For a similar laidback, druggy, country vibe, check out the MP3s at brightblack's website. They've released split EPs with Bonnie Prince Billy.

Celebrities: Katie Holmes

Here's a heartwarming story out of Hollywood. The local chapter of the Make-A-Wish foundation has made a dream come true for a little girl named Katie Holmes.

Katie is suffering from a condition called Careerstinkiosis (also known as Long's Disease). Despite appearing in Oscar fodder, thrillers, independent movies and a Summer blockbuster, little Katie remains below the general public's radar. Doctors even tried exposing her breasts, but that desperate measure failed too.

That's when the Make-A-Wish people stepped in. They heard about Katie's secret wish: "I think every little girl dreams about her wedding. I used to think I was going to marry Tom Cruise." (Scroll down to Personal Quotes.) And now they have made it a reality (with bonus virginity ploy thrown in for free). If this doesn't reverse Katie's disease (just as it did for Penelope), I don't know what will!

Friday, April 29, 2005

Words: US/British Compromises

If, as George Bernard Shaw said, "England and America are two countries divided by a common language", it's time for someone with uncommon language skills to step forward and unite the nations. That would be me. I dishumbly submit the following compromise words to replace the existing divisive terms.

  • "Garden" v. "Yard" - "Yarden"
  • "Pavement"/"Footpath" v. "Sidewalk" - "Pathwalk"
  • "Mobile phone" v. "Cellphone" - "Mophone"
  • "Got" v. "Gotten" - "Gott'n"
  • "Rubber" v. "Eraser" - "Trojan"
  • "Football" v. "Soccer" - that's easy - "Futbol" (you thought I was going to say "Foccer")
  • "Fag" v. "Cigarette" - "Fagarette"
  • And the pronunciation problem of "Shedule" v. "Skedule" will be a thing of the past with "Spedule", which has the added benefit of implying how a timetable can speed things up.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Movie Quiz: Add An 'S'

The Supreme Ruler of Arbitrary Land has decreed that all movie titles must begin with the letter "S". The edict applies to old movies too, so the studios slap on an "S" and rejigger the DVD packaging. What movies are these?

  1. A Civil War soldier makes his way back home to his nagging wife in the Rockies.
  2. In this Spanish-dubbed sci-fi adventure, mankind must obey their mechanical overlords.
  3. Which is more frightening? Tiny rodents or Shannen Doherty on a shopping spree?
  4. Secret agent in Cuba becomes bitter.
  5. A Texas Rangers pitcher gets caught up with gamblers and conmen.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Band List: Multiple Vocalists

Shell wants to talk about bands that have more than one vocalist. Which band has had the most members who sang at least one song on their own? The Beatles had all four members sing at various times. (Did Pete Best ever sing? Yes - barely.) All four Monkees sang. Can we count CSN&Y?

I'll take quality over quantity and talk about bands that use the old "bait & switch" with their vocalists. The first Mojave 3 song I ever heard was "Love Songs On The Radio" and it was quite lovely in a Cowboy Junkies/Mazzy Star style. The lead vocals were by Rachel Goswell - but it turns out most Mojave 3 songs are sung by Neil Halstead.

The same thing with Straitjacket Fits. The first song I heard from them was "Down In Splendour" - a Pink Floydy pop song, but that was one of only 3 songs written and sung by the guitarist. (No surprise, he left the band after a couple of albums.) ("Down In Splendour" was #32 in the Top 100 New Zealand Songs Of All Time.)

Have you ever been bitten by an unrepresentative single from a new band?

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Internet: Name Generator

(From Woody) Goth Name Generator - I'm "Satanist Bitch" or "Violent Beauty". Patanoia is "Velvet Rain Drops".

Monday, April 25, 2005

Movies: "The Hitchhiker's Guide.."

Why are the TV ads for "The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy" so bland? It looks like any other space adventure film. They've now added a little bit of Sam Rockwell but there's no hint that this is supposed to be an intelligent, whimsical comedy. Typical Hollywood - prune away the very aspect that makes a project worth making for fear of frightening off the masses. (The movie trailers are much better, particularly #3 on the website.)

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Internet: Fingers That Look Like Butts

Close-ups of fingers that look like photos of butts - funny. It doesn't look like it would work with my stubby, wrinkly index finger.

Words: Fetish

There was an Associated Press report in yesterday's Dallas Morning News about an indictment in the New Mexico dragging case. The victim was said to work as a "carver" in a "sexually related ornament shop". This seems to be the homepage of the "ornament shop", which specialises in Native American fetishes. An information page at M & M Trading Company relates the word to:
feticos, a Portuguese adjective meaning, "artificial" or, as a secondary translation, "a charm of enchantment" or "sorcery".

Did someone at the AP (or a sub-editor at the Morning News) jump to conclusions based on the other meaning of "fetish"?

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Miscommunication between Robb and myself. He did not buy "Destroyer" on CD.

Music: Yo La Tengo

Yo La Tengo Breakout game to celebrate their 20th anniversary. Wouldn't it be funny if two baseball players had a pre-game discussion about music, and one said, "Hey, who's that band that plays Velvet Underground-influenced music. They even have a woman drummer", and the other player said, "The Feelies? Galaxie 500?" and the first player said, "No, that's not it," and the other player said, "Sonic Youth? The White Stripes?" and the first player said, "No, it'll come to me later", and then during the ballgame, just as the batter hit a pop-fly between the two players, the first player suddenly remembered, "Yo La Tengo!", so no one ended up catching the ball? Yes, I do believe that would be funny, if unlikely.

Movies: "The Interpreter"

Opinions seems to vary on "The Interpreter" (mostly negative), but a consensus headline pun has emerged:

Friday, April 22, 2005

Music: First CD

Robb steers the first record you ever bought discussion to the first CD you ever bought. (There may be some nursery rhymes on vinyl he'd rather not mention.) Robb's first CD was by KISS, probably "Destroyer". To quote Robb, "When I saw that blood-spitting, I knew it was for me."

My first CD was Bryan Ferry's "Boys And Girls", which I already owned on cassette. In fact, I bought it to take around with me as I shopped for my first CD player.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Music: First Records

Jill has added her first records in the Comments section. Shell says one of the first records he bought was "Timothy" by The Buoys. Songfacts has more details about this cannibalism song. It's a great story. Another of Shell's early favourites was "DOA" by Bloodrock. This guy wonders why it wasn't on Clear Channel's list of songs to avoid after 9/11. He also has a lot of information on Fort Worth's Bloodrock.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Music: First Records

What was the first record you ever bought? I can't remember the first one I actually went out and bought. I remember getting "The Muppet Show" album as a Christmas present (and having to exchange the cassette because, due to a manufacturing flaw, it was recorded backwards).

My sister's first record was "The Hucklebuck", as covered by Brendan Bowyer and the Royal Showband (don't ask me to explain what a 'showband' is). You have to love any song that rhymes "back" with "sacroiliac". (The "sacroiliac" is a joint in the pelvis.)

There's a complete history of the song at WFMU - very interesting story, involving Charlie Parker, Miles Davis, Paul Williams (no, not that one), Frank Sinatra, Chubby Checker, Jackie Gleason, Canned Heat, Clifton Chenier, The Fall, and The Jerky Boys - and they even mention the Royal Showband.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Lyrics Quiz Wrap-Up

I have posted the answers to the star-related lyrics quiz in the Comments section of the original post. Very poor showing by Eric and Shell - zero.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Music: Guy Clark, Go-Betweens

Is that Guy Clark doing an ad for Taco Cabana? Yup - apparently the ad has been out there for over a year. (And Kelly Willis advertises Chevy in Austin?) I first heard of Guy in a song by Robert Forster, "Dear Black Dream":
My love and I sit in bed in the dark,

Wondering who sings better in the dark.

Is it Townes Van Zandt or is it Guy Clark?

The Go-Betweens have a new album coming out May 3rd in the US - got a 5-star review in The Guardian. See the video for one of their new songs at Yep Roc Records.

Movies: Underrated Actors

New discussion topic: Most Underrated Actor. Shell, who suggested the topic, nominates Jeff Bridges. Not to be outdone, Robb says Beau Bridges.

This online poll at RateItAll says Nick Stahl. Rotten Tomatoes forum has lots of suggestions. Don Cheadle gets mentioned a lot. But if someone's name keeps popping up, can he really be underrated?

For the purposes of this topic, "Most Underrated" means someone who appears in big blockbuster movies and is a better actor than most people usually give him (or her) credit for. Actors like Philip Seymour Hoffman and Alfred Molina may be underpaid but I don't think they're underrated.

Since comedy is so hard, I'll go with Jim Carrey.

(Funny story from Irish actor Niall Toibin.)

Hoax: Amityville

And while you're at Snopes, read how "The Amityville Horror" was a hoax. There really was a mass killing in the house, but no ghosts. Disturbing that the lawyer for the guy who murdered his family helped to concoct the story. More at

Here's a modest proposal. No one should be allowed to publish any reference to a court case without also disclosing the ultimate disposition of the case.

Click here to fund mammograms. (Genuine, according to Snopes.)

Hoax: MIT

Oh, those MIT pranksters! (Thanks to Eric for the link.) I can't believe WMSCI fell for: "We implemented our scatter/gather I/O server in Simula-67, augmented with opportunistically pipelined extensions." Everyone knows Simula-67 only accepts non-pipelined extensions.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Lyrics Quiz: Star

In honour of the new Starflyer 59 album that came in the mail today, a star-related Lyrics Quiz.

  1. "You have never been in love until you've seen the stars reflect in the reservoirs."
  2. "And it hung in the sky like a star, just like a star."
  3. "I know a place where we can dance the whole night away, Underneath the electric stars."
  4. "Blue, blue windows behind the stars, Yellow moon on the rise."
  5. "Just before our love got lost, you said I am as constant as a northern star and I said, Constantly in the darkness, where's that at?"
  6. "Far. We've been traveling far, Without a home, But not without a star."
  7. "One can wish upon a star. Two can make that wish come true."

Hints for those what needs them: You could guess #1's writer from the distinctive style - teenage romanticism meets humdrum reality. #2 is a Christmas-related song. #3 frequently pops up on '80s Lyrics Quizzes. #4 - well, I always have one or three songs by #4. #5 comes from the same country as #4. #6 has the same first name as #4. #7 is a duet.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Blogs: Patanoia

New look for Patanoia's second year. Also, I've retired the old slogan ("Lemur trouser sandcastle - without the usual septic henceforth"). Farewell, old chum. Soon to be available on eBay.

Law: Courtroom Sketches

Did you see the courtroom sketch of the four brothers accused of financing Hamas? I think this artist (Suzanne Morell Berry) must have worked previously at carnivals and malls, doing caricatures. Yep, I was right. Inevitable Simpsons reference: "So, girly, you like roller skatin'?" "No." "Yeah, everybody loves roller skatin'!"

Movies: "Bambi"

Great story at the Dallas Morning News (registration required) about the kid who did the voice of "Bambi". Donnie Dunagan is now a retired Marine living in San Angelo.

Sports: Appropriate Names

Appropriate sports name: Chris Bootcheck, pitcher for the Anaheim Angels of Anaheim. It's a stretch, but there are baseball rules concerning shoes, so the umpire could perform a boot check. Maybe it would be a more appropriate golfer's name. Or a computer professional's name.
Congratulations to Iowa for having the most boring State Quarter design. "Foundation In Education"? Now there's an inspiring slogan. Was "Smell Our Meat-Rendering Plants" too on-the-money? (Check out Conan O'Brien's State Quarters.)

Monday, April 11, 2005

Lose your troubles - pop some bubbles. (Thanks, Jill!)

Sunday, April 10, 2005

As seen in Euless, TX. Posted by Hello

Religion: Church Signs 2

 Posted by Hello

Religion: Church Signs

Suitable topic for Sunday (suggested by Jill): humourous church signs, like "FORBIDDEN FRUIT CREATES MANY JAMS". Here are some real examples, along with a chance to generate your own. I can't tell if this political one has been Photoshopped.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Movies: "Bambi"

Two questions after watching "Bambi". First, how did a male name become a popular female name (1554th most common in the US - it's not just for strippers anymore)? I learn from this article that the Austrian author based the name on the Italian word for 'baby'.

My second question was inspired by a DVD extra, a dramatisation of production meetings. People say "swell" a lot in these meetings (circa 1942). Why did Americans stop saying "swell"? I'll do everything I can to bring it back into fashion. Wouldn't that be swell? At least 14 people agree with me.

Here's a review of "Bambi" that needs to be taken with a salt mine.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Music: Def Leppard

Please welcome Jill to Team Patanoia. Jill has posted her first comment, to the original rock & roll scream post. Jill admires the work of Robert Plant and Joe Elliot. The boys of Def Leppard moved to Ireland at some point, I think for tax reasons. They must like it because both Joe and his ex-wife still live in Dublin. She is a contributor to

Thursday, April 07, 2005

TV: "The Staircase"

Watched the first two episodes of "The Staircase" on the Sundance Channel, after reading a good review at Slate.

The case seems very simple at first. Michael finds his wife, Kathleen, dying at the foot of the stairs in a pool of blood. He says she fell. The police don't believe him. How are they going to stretch this out over 8 episodes (shown 2 at a time)? A revelation about Michael's personal life in episode 2 answers that. And looking at the episode guide, looks like there's another twist next week. And I was wondering why one son wasn't interviewed in the first two shows - the Biography section answers that.

I'd call it "thought-provoking", but I should clarify that I don't mean deep thoughts. Thoughts like: why didn't the defense tell Michael to stop dyeing his hair (he was 58 at the time) to look more sympathetic, less likely to kill his wife? (Episode 2 cleared that up.) Is there a psychological reason that some people are more likely to become defense attorneys than prosecutors? And, oh, did he do it?

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Office Pools: The Next Pope

When entering the list of Papal contenders over at Enterpool, I was surprised to see that Cardinal Sin of the Philippines is still alive. I remember a schoolteacher in Ireland making a joke about his name in the 1970s - must have been right after he was Cardinalised. He had an apparent heart attack late last year, so I wouldn't rate his chances.

My favourite name is Polycarp Pengo of Tanzania. (Polycarp was a saint of the early church.)

Runner-up is Telesphore Toppo of India.

Hmmm, - that might be helpful if you're entering a Papal Pool. (Yes, indeedy, I was going to take a flyer on Cardinal Carrera of Mexico City but his comparison of the US media covering sex scandals to the Nazis won't help his cause.)

Eric wants to know how these Cardinals have time to vote for the next Pope AND play baseball in St. Louis and football in Arizona. Oh, Eric.

The CDC - why is it the "Centers For Disease Control (and Prevention)"? According to Infoplease, "the 11 centers, institutes, and offices of the agency include the centers for chronic disease prevention and health promotion, environmental health, health statistics, infectious diseases, injury prevention and control, immunizations, and occupational safety and health." They're all in Atlanta. Well that's all right then.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Song List: Screaming Songs

Screamers: Robb wants to add "Killing In The Name Of" by Rage Against The Machine.

Music: U2

You can stream a recent U2 show (although it's poor sound quality). (If the stream doesn't play automatically, in Windows Media Player, go to File/Open URL and enter "".)
Adrants suggests that the Gap may have a problem using the 17-year-old Joss Stone as spokesmodel now that she's shacked up with her 25-year-old boyfriend.

I have a problem with the truck ad where one dude uses his car's remote key to change it to various "cool" vehicles, and then changes his buddy into a hot chick in three steps. It raises all sorts of disturbing questions.

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Religion: The Next Pope

Idle speculation in the media about the next Pope. As far as I recall, Karol Wojtyla was a complete surprise. Interesting to see if anyone gets it right.

Reuters names Francis Arinze of Nigeria, Joseph Bergoglio of Argentina, Castrillon Hoyos of Colombia, Godfried Danneels of Belgium (he has an appropriate first name, and his last name sounds like "Dan kneels"), Ivan Dias of India and Claudio Hummes of Brazil.

The International Herald Tribune also names the Nigerian and the Colombian, and adds Oscar Andres Rodrigues Maradiaga of Honduras, Joseph Ratzinger of Germany, and some Italians: Dionigi Tettamanzi of Milan, Angelo Scola of Venice, Giovanni Battista Re of the Vatican, Ennio Antonelli of Florence, and Tarcisio Bertone of Genoa. (20 of the 117 electors are from Italy. The theory is that the Italians want the Papacy back.)

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette mentions the Italians, substituting Severino Poletto of Turin for the Vatican's Re. They also throw Christoph Schoenborn of Vienna into the mix. From Latin America, they also have Bergoglio/Argentina, Hummes/Brazil and Maradiaga/Honduras, adding Geraldo Agnelo of Brazil, Francisco Ossa of Chile and Noberto Carrera of Mexico. They dismiss the Nigerian's chances. Along with the Belgian Danneels, they mention Walter Kasper of Germany. Dias of India is described as a dark horse, as is Lubomyr Husar of the Ukraine.

That's a lot of names.

I suspect those irreverent souls at Enterpool will launch a Papal Pool very soon.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Song List: Screaming Songs 2

Eric says the best single scream in rock music is at the end of "Won't Get Fooled Again". Also, anything by Janis Joplin when she was with Big Brother And The Holding Company. (What? She started using throat lozenges after that?) And the Beatles' version of "Twist And Shout". And he agrees with Shell on "Back In The Saddle". I prefer Gene Autry's version.

Song List: Screaming Songs

Shell wants to discuss the best screaming songs, prompted by hearing "Walk This Way" on the radio. Shell says "Back In The Saddle" is Aerosmith's screamiest song. He also nominates "Born In The USA".

All I've got is the end of Gang Of Four's "It Is Not Enough".

Any suggestions for AC/DC or Guns 'n Roses? ("I wanna hear you scream.")

Some tips for vocalists to avoid screaming. But if you really want to scream...

Friday, April 01, 2005

Aviation: Irish Air Corps

There was a piece on Irish radio the other day about the Irish Air Corps during World War II (or "The Emergency" as we called it). One of the interviewees was my Dad, Denis. Go to Thursday's show and fast-forward to the 6-minute mark. The focus of the piece was a pilot called Alan Thornton, who tried to steal a plane and join the Luftwaffe (mainly for Nationalist/anti-British reasons). He was court-martialed and served a few months in prison. Upon release, he joined the RAF and flew with them for the remainder of the War! Maybe he just wanted to see some action.

On Friday's show, they got Alan on the phone and he gave his side of the story. (Warning: you have to suffer through the determinedly unprofessional manner and mannerisms of host Marian Finucane.)

Here's a photo of the plane he stole.

Media: Slate

Slate article about buying pirated DVDs in Shanghai. A copy of "Shark Tale" has a blurb from the Chicago Tribune: "Dated … and only intermittently funny."

Also, be sure to read Dahlia Lithwick's review of a Rush Limbaugh-endorsed book that attacks the Supreme Court as "activist judges". Lithwick writes:

The reason it may take you only slightly longer to read "Men in Black" than it took Levin to write it is that you'll experience an overwhelming urge to shower between chapters.