Friday, November 27, 2009

Sports: American Football

After watching three games, I have some suggestions to improve American Football. A copy will be sent to the Commissioner of the NFL.

  • Increase the value of the "2-Point Conversion". You've just scored 6 points for a touchdown. Now, you try to do it again - but only get 2 points? That makes no sense. No wonder teams only try the 2-point conversion when they're desperate. Make it 3 points and now you've got some very interesting decisions!
  • Run, Throw or Punt. What's the most exciting play in Football? The punt return. Let's give the Offense an extra option - the quarterback can punt the ball. Whoever catches the ball, keeps it. This will revolutionise the game.
  • Negative Yards. What's the least exciting play in Football? When a Running Back gets stopped at the line of scrimmage because he foolishly runs into a pile of big fat men. Let's penalize teams for these plays that go nowhere. If you only gain 2 yards, you're sent back to the line of scrimmage (so you've just lost a Down for nothing). If you gain one yard, you're pushed back 2 yards from where you started. If you gain zero, you lose 4 yards. This guarantees we'll see more throwing (or punting).
  • No Injury Timeouts. There are too many timeouts anyway. Let's scrap them when a player is down and can't get off the field. Just throw some temporary barricades around the player and the medical staff. This area is off-limits to both teams until the player can be stretchered off at the next (real) timeout.
  • Better Names. Every team must have at least one player with a Football-appropriate name.
  • Real Grass. All stadia (even indoor ones) must use real turf - until they come up with an artificial turf that can break apart into clumps that stick in players' helmets. That is always so cool.
  • Coors Light Ads. Those ads that edit actors in with actual coaches' press conferences? They can only use the Romeo Crennel ones. The others are too mean, but Romeo is so jolly, he seems to be in on the joke.

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