Sports: Quotes of 2008

Mark emailed us this Guardian blog post with a sports quote of the year:

His classic reply to a journalist who asked "What does Chris Hoy think of Chris Hoy?" - "Chris Hoy thinks that the day Chris Hoy refers to Chris Hoy in the third person is the day that Chris Hoy disappears up his own arse."

(The item at the end of the post about Lance Armstrong is even better.)

The Irish Times has their sports quote of the year. Best Colemanballs quote:

"Paul Maloney has a look between his legs and he will like what he sees." - Channel 4's Derek Thompson on a race at Taunton. Lest you were wondering, Maloney's nag was leading by a distance.

Best put-down of an individual:

"Dirk Kuyt is earning himself the reputation as Anfield's Prince Harry - in the frontline for three months and no one knows anything about it." - Sun reporter Phil Thomas on Liverpool's hit-and-miss Dutchman.

Best put-down of a nation:

"They've won 40 per cent of their medals in cycling - if only there was snooker, darts and a dog show." - NBC presenter Jim Lampley on Britain's success at the Olympic Games.

Best joke by a septuagenarian:

"Ooh, Carol Vorderman, I like her. I was watching Countdown last week and I got aroused . . . seven letters wasn't a bad score, I thought." - BBC golf commentator Peter Alliss very, very nearly causing us to lose our lunch.

For more US-centric quotes, try the Chicago Daily Herald:

Herman Edwards, coach of the struggling Kansas City Chiefs, on whether he's a candidate for the job at San Diego State: "I've got a college team now."

Doc Rivers, Boston Celtics coach, after being asked how long Kevin Garnett would be out with a strained abdominal muscle: "You know Doc's a nickname, correct?"

This Arsenal fan site has a few good ones:

'They've kicked our backsides. Now we've got to lick our wounds' - Steve Bruce gives an unedifying image.

The BBC has their list, too:

"Brock's a big bloke, isn't he? If you found him in bed with your girlfriend, you'd tuck him in!" Ricky Hatton during the Brock Lesnar-Randy Couture Mixed Martial Arts fight.

"I've never been one for stats and milestones, I just try to do the best for my team. I'm the third fastest person in the history of the game to get 10,000." Ricky Ponting showed remarkable knowledge for someone who was not one for stats and milestones.

John Motson: "Bramall Lane is a fantastic place, and I believe one of the only grounds to host an FA Cup final and Test Match cricket." Mark Lawrenson: "Stay in last night did you, John?" During Sheffield United v Middlesbrough

The O.C. Register has a slideshow:

"I can't screw up Alabama. We're 48th in everything and Arkansas and Mississippi aren't going anywhere." - Charles Barkley, on his plans to run for governor.

"Manny Ramirez is not here. His grandmother must have died again." - President George W. Bush, at the White House ceremony honoring the champion Red Sox.

The Simpsons: More Quotes

Eric supplies some more Simpsons quotations of quotidian utility:

• "Now who's being naive, Marge?" (Said in a patronising way to someone who disbelieves your wild assertions, as when Marge disputed Homer's claim that Earl Warren was a Supreme Court justice and a sleazy male stripper.)
  
• "I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals FLAMING." (The common prayer of those who want things to remain the way they always have been.)
  
• "Not so good. The girl I've been stalking just had me bumped back to 200 feet." (When asked about your love life.)
  
• "That's super." (Spoken in a condescending tone about those who worship a different God.)
  
• "Yes, yes, it's all a rich tapestry." (Said in a dismissive voice to those who try to over-analyze their petty lives.)
  
• "Her idea of wit is nothing more than an incisive observation, humorously phrased and delivered with impeccable timing." (For putting down Dorothy Parker-types.)
  
• "It works with any Ayatollah." (When praising your own geopolitical satire.)
  
• "What is your fascination with my 'Forbidden Closet of Mystery'?" (When questioning someone's fascination with your 'Forbidden Closet of Mystery'.)
  
• "I wash myself with a rag on a stick." (When you have crossed over from "more of me to love" to "morbid obesity".)
  
• "My mom says I'm cool." (The ultimate statement of uncoolness.)
  

Here's one more quote that can be used when discussing the latest example of political correctness run riot, the uproar over a Filipino boy disciplined by a Canadian school for eating with a knife and spoon:

• "Ah, I see you've played knifey-spoony before."
  

I think the school was perfectly right to expel that kid's ass for improper cutlery etiquette. I just hope they do the same thing to a Yank kid who holds his fork in his right hand.