Thursday Miscellany

Mixum-gatherum of stories from around the web, with a heavy porn flavour.

• This one's for Woody: movie theatre has unintentionally dirty marquee.
  
• Tape of drunk Larry King from many years ago.
  
• Nicolas Sarkozy drunk after meeting with Vladimir Putin.
  
• Google launches Wikipedia competitor, Knol (but not knol.com, which seems to be a Dutch manufacturer of masturbation aids). Knol's articles are written by experts, not the masses. The first article that caught my eye was one on Breast Augmentation. Despite their controlled commenting system, the first comment is "yay tits!". Other good comment about how the "before" pictures (supplied by the American Society of Plastic Surgeons) are "gray and dead-looking".
  
• Meanwhile, new Google rival, Cuil, had a slight problem with gay porn images popping up in inappropriate places.
  

Harpists: Merry Miller

Remember that embarrassing cable TV interview with Holly Hunter from a year ago? The interviewer, Merry Miller, is also an accomplished harpist. She makes music for babies.

I hope this new endeavour helps her overcome her moment of infamy. Sadly, it didn't work for Bill Buckner when he released an album of sea shanties played on the spoons.

Blogs: Patanoia

Time for a new slogan for Patanoia, and time to retire "Compressed knitters humbling formica - reassured against the against, again with the sideswipe." It had a good run.

Emergency Calls: Drunk British Woman

Gizmodo has audio of a drunk British woman calling 999 and asking when the internet started, "me darlin'". As they say, the operator is amazingly polite.

More Avon & Somerset Police videos.

Lyrics Quiz: Remember

1. Do you remember there was a time (ahaha) when people on the street were walking hand in hand in hand. They used to talk about the weather, making plans together. Days would last forever.
   
2. Think of me as one you'd never figured would fade away so young, with so much left undone. Remember me to my love, I know I'll miss her.
   
3. That's 'Retha Franklin. She don't remember the Queen of Soul.
   
4. For the life of me, I cannot remember what made us think that we were wise and we'd never compromise.
   
5. I remember way back then, when everything was true, and when we would have such a very good time. Such a fine time. Such a happy time.
   
6. I've played all kinds of palaces, and laid all kinds of girls. I can't remember faces, I don't remember names. Ah, but what the hell. You know it's just as well, 'cause after a while and a thousand miles it all becomes the same.
   
7. I can almost remember their funny faces that time you told them that you were going to be marrying.
   
8. Here as I sit at this empty cafe thinking of you, I remember all those moments lost in wonder that we'll never find again.
   
9. So long ago, I don't remember when, that's when they say I lost my only friend. Well they said she died easy of a broken heart disease, as I listened through the cemetery trees.
   
10. Remember what the dormouse said. Feed your head. Feed your head. Feed your head.
    

YouTube: Pop Stars Falling

• Beyonce (poor quality but full points for fall)
  
• Bono (walks backwards off stage - wish I could see the Edge's reaction)
  
• Christina Aguilera (just a stumble)
  
• Axl Rose (does he do it deliberately?)
  
• Robbie Williams (but he carries if off with aplomb)
  

Bonus: models falling down.

Sports: Euro 2008

A Euro 2008 round-up.

• I had blamed ESPN for the useless statistics flashed on-screen, but now that I'm back in Ireland, I realise they are part of the official TV feed. A typical example showed that one team led the other 4-3 in being caught Offside. And what's up with showing how many kilometers a player has covered during the game? And how do they measure it?
  
• At least I have escaped Tommy Smyth. Choice Tommy quote: "It's amazing the way the game can change with the flick of an eye."
  
• Now I can hear proper football commentary - a rollcall of players' names as they pass the ball around. Just the way God meant it to be.
  
• All the commentators were very careful how they pronounced the name of Russian midfielder Zhirkov. Hard to hear it without thinking of the joke about the manager who told the player he'd pull him off at half time. Too bad Zhirkov didn't get to play in Bern's Wankdorf Stadium.
  
• I do think it's highly insensitive of ESPN to call their Spanish-language channel ESPN Deportees. The vast majority of Latinos in the US are there legally.
  
• Match the players with their country.
  

  Petit		Germany
  Roger Guerreiro		Sweden
  Lukas Podolski		Poland
  Zlatan Ibrahimović		Portugal

  
  
• Lookalike: Italian coach (already fired) Roberto Donadoni and Flaming Lips leader Wayne Coyne.
  
• I was going to post another lookalike of Franck Ribery and the face-melting Nazi from Indiana Jones, but apparently Ribery was in a bad car accident when he was a kid. As a result, he can only grow a sideburn on one side of his head.
  
• Football is being ruined by one thing: shirt-pulling. There should be an immediate red card for anyone caught tugging another player's shirt. Video replays should be used to enforce the rule. The only alternative is that all players must wear oven mitts.
  
• None of the kits blew me away. I liked the retro look of the German kit. And the numbers on the Dutch shirts crack me up - they look like someone made them from strips of electrical tape. The English Premier League has a standard set of numbers that everyone must use. I'm glad I'm not the only one who was delighted by Germany's typeface in Euro 1996. (But he doesn't like the Dutch "toilet paper numbers.)
  
• Best ESPN quote was from Adrian Healey when the Netherlands added a fourth goal against France: "It's a Dutch Oven, and the French are toast."
  

Sports: Caught Peeking

• Jose Lima eyeing Korean baseball cheerleader
  
• David Beckham checking out Laker Girl's arse
  
• Beckham's sons carry on the family tradition
  
• Now it's Posh's turn
  

Music: Action Biker

I'm not mad about her synthy backing music, but I'm smitten with the Swedish singer who goes by the name Action Biker (born Sarah Nyberg Pergament). In the second half of this video she conjugates French verbs to a ye-ye beat. (You can hear it at her MySpace too.) She sings three songs in this video, just her head singing to the camera. (The first song reminds me very much of early Cardigans.)

One of her many other projects is The Dreamers.

Unrelated: a 3-year-old explains "Star Wars".

Quiz: Presidential Relatives

Eric supplies this quiz. Name the President (or Predidential candidate) who is associated with each relative (some of these are merely metaphorical):

1. Crazy Uncle in the attic
   
2. Crazy Aunt in the basement
   
3. Uncle Joe
   
4. Straying Sisters
   
5. Billy Beer
   

Literature: Clandestine

Read At Work offers a clever interface to read public domain poems and short stories at work. (Via Largehearted Boy.)

Lyrics Quiz: I'm Not

1. "I'm not aware of too many things. I know what I know, if you know what I mean."
   
2. "I'm not the kind of girl who gives up just like that. Oh, no."
   
3. "I'm not big on social graces. Think I'll slip on down to the Oasis."
   
4. "Well I'm not the world's most physical guy, but when she sqeezed me tight she
   nearly broke my spine."
   
5. "I'm not a drowning man! And I'm not a burning building! (I'm a tumbler!)"
   
6. "I'm not sleeping - oh, no, no."
   
7. "And I'm not a man who likes to swear, but I never cared for the sound of bein' alone."
   
8. "I'm not a prophet or a stone age man. Just a mortal with the potential of a superman."
   
9. "I'm not the kind that needs to tell you just what you want me to."
   
10. "I'm not sayin' this just to be nasty. I sincerely wanna f*** the taste outta your mouth."
    

Eric adds:

11. I'm not the one who's coming back for more. You know why, been through this so many times.

Baseball: Promotions

Best sports promotion ever: miniature bathroom stall with a "bobblefoot" being given out by the St. Paul Saints. (They're having a "Moment Of Noise" tribute to Marcel Marceaut tonight.) One of these giveaways is already on eBay, and bidding is currently at $102.50.

Sports Illustrated (from 2004) lists the Top 10 Minor League Promotions, half of which were run by Mike Veeck teams.

Mental Floss lists "Five Ballpark Promotions That Went Wrong". Includes the Cleveland Indians' "10 Cent Beer Night" for a game against your Texas Rangers.

YouTube: Recent Music

After those nostalgic "Remember The Eighties?" videos, how about some brand spanking new ones?

• Weezer, "Pork And Beans" (helps if you're "plugged in" to other YouTube phenomena)
  
• Portishead, "The Rip" (sounds more like side project Rustin Man than Portishead)
  
• Goldfrapp, "Happiness" (one of those single tracking shot videos that are a little cliched by now, but it's done well, probably with some camera trickery)
  
• El Perro Del Mar, "Glory To The World" (latest from Sarah Assbring. Bonus Velvets cover.)
  
• El Perro Del Mar & Lykke Li, "After Laughter (Comes Tears)" (live encore by fellow Swedes, with a definite Abba influence in keyboards and choreography)
  
• Hayes Carll, promo for new album
  
• Gary Louris, "True Blue" (from his solo album - this video has only had 5 views. Sad.)
  
• Bon Iver, "The Wolves (Act I & II)"
  
• Phosphorescent, "Wolves" (Black Cab Sessions - see also Spoon, Lykke Li, Okkervil River, The National.)
  

YouTube: 80s Acts

I suddenly had a hankering to hear "Driving Away From Home" by It's Immaterial, and luckily YouTube was there to satisfy. ("Ed's Funky Diner" is also worth hearing.)

And while we're in Liverpool in the '80s, "Hollow Horse" by the Icicle Works.

I could only find this version of "Soul Train" by Swansway - interesting, but not as good as the single version. Two of them later formed Scarlet Fantastic and had a hit with "No Memory".

Another great '80s single: "Heart And Soul" by T'Pau. (Didn't know that was a Star Trek reference.)

Roddy Frame covers "Jump".

This doesn't have a proper video, but it's such a great song: "Return To Yesterday" by the Lilac Time.

Lyrics Quiz: Alliteration

A little alliteration can really enliven a lyric. Which artists recorded these gems?

1. "Some silicone sister with a manager mister told me I got what it takes."
   
2. "It's not 'natural', 'normal' or kind, the flesh you so fancifully fry."
   
3. "And if it snows, that stretch down south won't ever stand the strain."
   
4. "We got the bubble-headed bleach-blonde who comes on at five."
   
5. "Chickity China the Chinese chicken. You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'."
   
6. "Wordlessly watching, he waits by the window and wonders at the empty place inside."
   
7. "A little old lady got mutilated late last night."
   
8. "FDA, big bankers buying. Fake computer crashes, dining."
   

Music: Camille

Recommended if you like French pop, art-funk and quirky vocals: Camille and her new album "Music Hole". She was one of the vocalists for Nouvelle Vague.

She's well represented on YouTube:

• "La Demeure D'Un Ciel" (on French TV, good example of how she loops and multi-tracks her voice)
  
• "Au Port" (live on "Later With Jools Holland")
  
• "Gospel With No Lord" (her new single)
  
• "Les Ex" (live in concert)
  
• "Home Is Where It Hurts" (montage for track from new album)
  
• "Le Festin" (from the "Ratatouille" soundtrack)
  
• "Ta Douleur" (video)
  
• "In A Manner Of Speaking" (with Nouvelle Vague - original by Tuxedomoon)
  

YouTube: Tindersticks

Tindersticks have a new album out, "The Hungry Saw" (but not in the US yet).

Here's a selection of videos to tide us over.

• "Downside" by Asphalt Ribbons (precursor of Tindersticks)
  
• "City Sickness" (from the first Tindersticks album)
  
• "No More Affairs" (from the second album, live on Jools Holland)
  
• "I've Been Loving You Too Long" (Otis Redding cover, b-side, home-made video)
  
• "Can We Start Again?" (from "Simple Pleasures")
  
• "Dying Slowly" (from "Can Our Love...")
  
• "Killing Theme" (from soundtrack to "Trouble Every Day", as interpreted by Danish gymnasts)
  
• "16 Summers, 15 Falls" (solo Stuart Staples for La Blogotheque)
  
• "Hungry Saw" (acoustic version of title track from new album)
  

Lookalikes: Ron Wilson

Here's a coaching lookalike that Shell can't pooh-pooh. San Jose Sharks coach Ron Wilson and "Law & Order: Criminal Intent" actor Jamey Sheridan.

On the subject of ice hockey, who has the worst broken nose in the sport? Stéphane Robidas. (I tried translating this French blog into English using Babel Fish, and the name "Pat Brisson" came out as "Stalemate Brisson". Also, the Stars "occupy at present the 3e row of Pacifique division behind powerful Ducks d' Anaheim and Sharks de San Jose"

Movie Quote Quiz: God

1. "God has a hard-on for Marines, because we kill everything we see. He plays His games, we play ours."
   
2. "You want to talk to God? Let's go see him together, I've got nothing better to do."
   
3. "Blame is for God and small children."
   
4. "The Christians are so poor..." "How poor are they?" "Thank you. They are so poor that they only have one God. But we Romans are rich. We've got a lot of gods. We've got a god for everything. The only thing we don't have a god for is premature ejaculation...but I hear that's coming quickly."
   
5. "We're on a mission from God."
   
6. "Whether or not what we experienced was an According to Hoyle miracle is insignificant. What is significant is that I felt the touch of God. God got involved."
   
7. "The only proper authorities I am aware of are my commanding officer Colonel Nathan R. Jessup and the Lord our God."
   
8. "If someone asks you if you're a god, you say YES!"
   
9. "How shall we fuck off, O Lord?"
   
10. "In Limerick, you are only allowed to say you love God, and babies, and horses that win. Anything else is softness in the head."