Lyrics Quiz: I'm Not

1. "I'm not aware of too many things. I know what I know, if you know what I mean."
   
2. "I'm not the kind of girl who gives up just like that. Oh, no."
   
3. "I'm not big on social graces. Think I'll slip on down to the Oasis."
   
4. "Well I'm not the world's most physical guy, but when she sqeezed me tight she
   nearly broke my spine."
   
5. "I'm not a drowning man! And I'm not a burning building! (I'm a tumbler!)"
   
6. "I'm not sleeping - oh, no, no."
   
7. "And I'm not a man who likes to swear, but I never cared for the sound of bein' alone."
   
8. "I'm not a prophet or a stone age man. Just a mortal with the potential of a superman."
   
9. "I'm not the kind that needs to tell you just what you want me to."
   
10. "I'm not sayin' this just to be nasty. I sincerely wanna f*** the taste outta your mouth."
    

Eric adds:

11. I'm not the one who's coming back for more. You know why, been through this so many times.

Baseball: Promotions

Best sports promotion ever: miniature bathroom stall with a "bobblefoot" being given out by the St. Paul Saints. (They're having a "Moment Of Noise" tribute to Marcel Marceaut tonight.) One of these giveaways is already on eBay, and bidding is currently at $102.50.

Sports Illustrated (from 2004) lists the Top 10 Minor League Promotions, half of which were run by Mike Veeck teams.

Mental Floss lists "Five Ballpark Promotions That Went Wrong". Includes the Cleveland Indians' "10 Cent Beer Night" for a game against your Texas Rangers.

YouTube: Recent Music

After those nostalgic "Remember The Eighties?" videos, how about some brand spanking new ones?

• Weezer, "Pork And Beans" (helps if you're "plugged in" to other YouTube phenomena)
  
• Portishead, "The Rip" (sounds more like side project Rustin Man than Portishead)
  
• Goldfrapp, "Happiness" (one of those single tracking shot videos that are a little cliched by now, but it's done well, probably with some camera trickery)
  
• El Perro Del Mar, "Glory To The World" (latest from Sarah Assbring. Bonus Velvets cover.)
  
• El Perro Del Mar & Lykke Li, "After Laughter (Comes Tears)" (live encore by fellow Swedes, with a definite Abba influence in keyboards and choreography)
  
• Hayes Carll, promo for new album
  
• Gary Louris, "True Blue" (from his solo album - this video has only had 5 views. Sad.)
  
• Bon Iver, "The Wolves (Act I & II)"
  
• Phosphorescent, "Wolves" (Black Cab Sessions - see also Spoon, Lykke Li, Okkervil River, The National.)
  

YouTube: 80s Acts

I suddenly had a hankering to hear "Driving Away From Home" by It's Immaterial, and luckily YouTube was there to satisfy. ("Ed's Funky Diner" is also worth hearing.)

And while we're in Liverpool in the '80s, "Hollow Horse" by the Icicle Works.

I could only find this version of "Soul Train" by Swansway - interesting, but not as good as the single version. Two of them later formed Scarlet Fantastic and had a hit with "No Memory".

Another great '80s single: "Heart And Soul" by T'Pau. (Didn't know that was a Star Trek reference.)

Roddy Frame covers "Jump".

This doesn't have a proper video, but it's such a great song: "Return To Yesterday" by the Lilac Time.

Lyrics Quiz: Alliteration

A little alliteration can really enliven a lyric. Which artists recorded these gems?

1. "Some silicone sister with a manager mister told me I got what it takes."
   
2. "It's not 'natural', 'normal' or kind, the flesh you so fancifully fry."
   
3. "And if it snows, that stretch down south won't ever stand the strain."
   
4. "We got the bubble-headed bleach-blonde who comes on at five."
   
5. "Chickity China the Chinese chicken. You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'."
   
6. "Wordlessly watching, he waits by the window and wonders at the empty place inside."
   
7. "A little old lady got mutilated late last night."
   
8. "FDA, big bankers buying. Fake computer crashes, dining."
   

Music: Camille

Recommended if you like French pop, art-funk and quirky vocals: Camille and her new album "Music Hole". She was one of the vocalists for Nouvelle Vague.

She's well represented on YouTube:

• "La Demeure D'Un Ciel" (on French TV, good example of how she loops and multi-tracks her voice)
  
• "Au Port" (live on "Later With Jools Holland")
  
• "Gospel With No Lord" (her new single)
  
• "Les Ex" (live in concert)
  
• "Home Is Where It Hurts" (montage for track from new album)
  
• "Le Festin" (from the "Ratatouille" soundtrack)
  
• "Ta Douleur" (video)
  
• "In A Manner Of Speaking" (with Nouvelle Vague - original by Tuxedomoon)
  

YouTube: Tindersticks

Tindersticks have a new album out, "The Hungry Saw" (but not in the US yet).

Here's a selection of videos to tide us over.

• "Downside" by Asphalt Ribbons (precursor of Tindersticks)
  
• "City Sickness" (from the first Tindersticks album)
  
• "No More Affairs" (from the second album, live on Jools Holland)
  
• "I've Been Loving You Too Long" (Otis Redding cover, b-side, home-made video)
  
• "Can We Start Again?" (from "Simple Pleasures")
  
• "Dying Slowly" (from "Can Our Love...")
  
• "Killing Theme" (from soundtrack to "Trouble Every Day", as interpreted by Danish gymnasts)
  
• "16 Summers, 15 Falls" (solo Stuart Staples for La Blogotheque)
  
• "Hungry Saw" (acoustic version of title track from new album)
  

Lookalikes: Ron Wilson

Here's a coaching lookalike that Shell can't pooh-pooh. San Jose Sharks coach Ron Wilson and "Law & Order: Criminal Intent" actor Jamey Sheridan.

On the subject of ice hockey, who has the worst broken nose in the sport? Stéphane Robidas. (I tried translating this French blog into English using Babel Fish, and the name "Pat Brisson" came out as "Stalemate Brisson". Also, the Stars "occupy at present the 3e row of Pacifique division behind powerful Ducks d' Anaheim and Sharks de San Jose"

Movie Quote Quiz: God

1. "God has a hard-on for Marines, because we kill everything we see. He plays His games, we play ours."
   
2. "You want to talk to God? Let's go see him together, I've got nothing better to do."
   
3. "Blame is for God and small children."
   
4. "The Christians are so poor..." "How poor are they?" "Thank you. They are so poor that they only have one God. But we Romans are rich. We've got a lot of gods. We've got a god for everything. The only thing we don't have a god for is premature ejaculation...but I hear that's coming quickly."
   
5. "We're on a mission from God."
   
6. "Whether or not what we experienced was an According to Hoyle miracle is insignificant. What is significant is that I felt the touch of God. God got involved."
   
7. "The only proper authorities I am aware of are my commanding officer Colonel Nathan R. Jessup and the Lord our God."
   
8. "If someone asks you if you're a god, you say YES!"
   
9. "How shall we fuck off, O Lord?"
   
10. "In Limerick, you are only allowed to say you love God, and babies, and horses that win. Anything else is softness in the head."
    

Band List: Bands Named After Songs

Bands named after another artist's song:

• Stars Of Track And Field (song by Belle And Sebastian)
  
• World Leader Pretend (song by REM)
  
• Pretty Girls Make Graves (song by The Smiths)
  
• Shakespear's Sister (also a song by The Smiths)
  
• Ladytron (song by Roxy Music)
  
• Aqualung (song by Jethro Tull)
  

Any others?

(Wikipedia has a comprehensive list.)

Business; Consumer Issues

Consumer stories from Consumerist.

• Vote in their Worst Company In America, bracket-style contest. Some are easy choices for me (Sony over Google, DeBeers over 1-800-FLOWERS, Charter Cable over Wellpoint, Ticketmaster over anyone), others tougher (Target vs Best Buy). (Although I seem to be alone on that last one - 94% chose Best Buy.)
  
• Yes, it happened in San Francisco, but this story of mob rule causing a liquor store to "go green" is an interesting idea.
  
• Cockeyed.com provides a useful consumer service by asking, "How Much Is Inside?" For example, how much is inside Granola Bars? (Don't miss Granola Jenga and the lovely granola raccoon.) And how much is inside a shopping cart? And very droll commentary.
  

Hot Chicks: G4

Which network has the hottest chicks? The geeks' network, G4. (I only stumbled upon it because it's next to Comedy Central - honest, guv.)

• Olivia Munn. She's like a combination of Nina Persson, Jenna Elfman and Joey Lauren Adams, only hotter.
  
• Morgan Webb - yes, that's really her name. Classy lady, even in a bikini.
  
• Kristin Holt, former Dallas Cowboys' cheerleader.
  
• Layla Kayleigh, a multi-ethnic Brit.
  

Bonus video from today's "Attack Of The Show", hilarious office pranks.

Cover Versions: Old People

Copy, Right? has a video of Dame Shirley Bassey covering Pink's "Get The Party Started". They've made Dame Shirley look pretty good for a septuagenarian.

Can you put these cover versions in order of age disparity between original artist and the old fart making a desperate attempt at cred (from high to low)?

1. Dame Shirley covering Pink (M&S ad version, with women who aren't Shirley Bassey in lingerie)
   
2. Tom Jones covering Prince
   
3. Peggy Lee covering George Harrison ("fanvid" for the TV show "House")
   
4. Frank Sinatra covering Billy Joel (static shot of record player)
   

Lyrics Quiz: Saturday

Numbers 1-8 have "Saturday" in the title. Numbers 9 and 10 are just there to make up the numbers.

1. "People dancing, people laughing. A man selling ice cream, singing Italian songs."
   
2. "Don't give us none of your aggravation, we've had it with your discipline."
   
3. "His name was always Buddy, and he'd shrug and ask to stay. She'd sigh like Twig the Wonder Kid, and turn her face away."
   
4. "Now another fella told me he had a sister who looked just fine. Instead of being my deliverance, she had a strange resemblance to a cat named Frankenstein."
   
5. "Two feets they come a-creepin', like a black cat do. And two bodies are lyin' naked. Creeper think he got nothin' to lose."
   
6. "Well you gassed her up behind the wheel, with your arm around your sweet one in your Oldsmobile, barrelin' down the boulevard."
   
7. "There's an Elvis movie on the marquee sign, we've all seen at least three times. Everybody's broke, Bobby's got a buck. Put a dollars worth of gas in his pickup truck."
   
8. "Save up their money for a holiday, to Selsey Bill or Bracklesham Bay. Think about the future when they'll settle down. Marry the girl next door - with one on the way."
   
9. "No April rain, no flowers bloom. No wedding Saturday within the month of June."
   
10. "Oh, oh, oh, something tells me that you're really gone. You said we could be friends, but that's not what I want. And, anyway, my TV dinner's almost done. It's a lonely Saturday night."
    

YouTube: Korean Toddler

Korean toddler singing "Hey Jude" enthusiastically.

His name is Hero, and there is a short piece from Korean TV about him. (No English translation, but there is a bio in the "About this video" section which states, "I was born in Seoul, Korea on Sept.2003. I am not only extreme mania of The Beatles who is the greatest musician, immortal idol of the mankind but also well-informed on autocars beyond just mania." And it shows.

(Via Copy, Right?)

TV: FiOS Guide

The weirdest thing about Verizon's FiOS TV service is the descriptions of the late night talk shows in their on-screen guide. "Affable comic Jimmy Kimmel interviews a varied lineup of guests." Affable? "Cunning late night talk show host Conan O'Brien interviews leading entertainers and provides national exposure to alternative music acts." Cunning? Carson Daly is described as "the young, hip and eccentric MTV personality". Hip and eccentric? And guess who is "the edgy Emmy-winning comedian" who "builds on his predecessors' successes"? Jay Leno? And finally, "using his own zany brand of comedy, talk show host David Letterman interviews popular celebrities and entertains late-night viewers."

Whoever writes these is either really bored or really stoned. Or both.

History: Internet

Sorry it's been so long since my last post. I'm sure both of my regular readers have missed me. I've been busy moving house. During the move, I found an old copy of British music mag Mojo. Try to guess the year they printed this guide to the Internet. The answer may surprise you!

Unless you are a member of the Amish, fear is usually the reason for holding out against new technology, but these days the Internet is no longer difficult to master. If you can get money out of a bank machine, then you can send and receive e-mail and browse the World Wide Web; all it entails is pointing and clicking.

1. You need a computer, of course. An Apple Macintosh is easiest to use...

2. You need a modem to connect your computer to a phone line. You need a fast one, 28.8kbps or more...

3. You need a service provider to connect you to the internet. This is just a phone number that your computer dials when you click on the Internet icon...It doesn't matter where in the world you travel on the Internet, you only pay for the local phone call to your server.

Video: HD-DVD vs Blu-Ray

In yet another "Downfall" repurposing, Hitler rants about the high-def DVD formats. (Subtitles NSFW.)

Here's a Arsenal 3 - Tottenham Hotspur 1 version. Subtitles very NSFW, with gratuitous dig at Steve Nash.

Advertising: Lipitor

Have you seen that Lipitor commercial starring Dr. Robert Jarvik, supposed inventor of the artificial heart? How creepy is that guy? (Sample comments on YouTube: "I don't know why but I don't like this guy." "You suck! Quit scammin' sweet old ladies you ass!!" "He likes man.") There's another ad that shows him with his son, as if to emphasize that he's not gay, but he's still creepy.

Jarvik reminded me of someone and I couldn't put my finger on it. There's a little John Malkovich there, maybe a little Spalding Gray. But then it hit me: he should be lowering the medicine in a bucket down a well and saying, "It takes the Lipitor and it reduces its bad cholestrol."

The good news is that the House Energy and Commerce committee is including him in their investigation of prescription medicine marketing.

He's married to that Marilyn vos Savant woman. (Looks like the son that commercial is actually hers from a previous marriage.)

Sports: June Jones

• June Jones - college football coach, just signed to SMU
  
• June Jones - R&B female vocalist
  
• Junie B. Jones - First Grade girl who stars in a series of children's books
  
• Junior Jones - bantamweight boxer with the nickname "Poison"
  
• Juniper Jones - the fake name used by Robert Young in the film "Cairo"
  
• July Jones - actor in black films of the 1940s (and a song by the New Pornographers)
  
• Julius Jones - running back for the Dallas Cowboys
  
• The 4th of July at Jones Beach
  
• Jill Jones - saucy songstress and former Prince protegée