TV: "CSI: Miami"

7 minutes of David Caruso's deadpan lines at the start of every "CSI: Miami". How many can you withstand? I made it to his quip about a victim who died after Speed Dating, "You know what they say - speed kills." And the way he pauses in the middle of the lines to put on his sunglasses! How can anyone take this show (or him) seriously? Another ridiculous clip.

David Spade mocks him.

A young firebrand wrote a letter to Entertainment Weekly back in 1994 when Caruso left "NYPD Blue", predicting he'd have "a long movie career - a Shelley Long career", due to his red hair. That drew an irate reply two issues later: "To say that 'many people view ginger-haired people with suspicion, bordering on repulsion' is the nastiest sort of bigotry, just as objectionable as if he were referring to black people, Jewish people, or anyone." Good times!