Sports: Antonio Alfonseca

The Onion's headine from October 2005: "Antonio Alfonseca Once Again Leads Major-League Relievers In Fingers". Alfonseca was born with six digits on each hand and foot. This condition, Wikipedia says, is known as polydactyly (check out the xrays!). His nickname is "El Pulpo" (The Octopus). His name is an anagram of "Neonatal fiasco, no?" and "Anal acne is on foot". I just think he's a fat bastard. 250 pounds my ass.