TV: Fall 2005 Guide

Your guide to the new shows on Fall TV.

• "Commander In Chief" (ABC) - Remember how great it was for liberals when Martin Sheen was pretend-President? Well, now Geena Davis is pretend-President! A woman! Can you believe it? (But don't worry - she's not elected President: she's Veep when the real President dies.)
  
• "The War At Home" (FOX) - Michael Rapaport has made a career out of playing tough guys. I'm sure he really is a tough guy. Now we're supposed to buy him as a lovable father? The studio audience will laugh for fear he'll come after them with a baseball bat.
  
• "Night Stalker" (ABC) - This remake stars Stuart Townsend. Stuart Townsend can't act. His only notable achievement is bagging Charlize Theron. (Why is his character called the Night Stalker? Because he "stalks the night".)
  
• "How I Met Your Mother" (CBS) - Doogie Hauser is about as funny as Michael Rapaport (although far less threatening).
  
• "Ghost Whisperer" (CBS) - Jennifer Love Hewitt in tight white t-shirts.
  
• "Eggz Benedict" (MTV) - The last remnants of the "Jackass" crew travel to the Vatican, where they try to evade the Swiss Guard and pelt the Pope. "You've been Eggz'd, Benedict!"
  
• "Whipper & Snapper" (NBC) - A Dominatrix and a tabloid photographer become unlikely roommates after a mix-up by their zany realtor. The two join together to solve crimes, run a Montessori school and play Cupid to the ghosts who live in their basement. Sounds like another winner for NBC!