Derek Jeter
Is a cheater.
Tracy McGrady
Throws like a lady.
Kristi Yamaguchi
Could be played by Stanley Tucci.
Martin Gramatica
Has never read the "Principia Mathematica".
Arnold Palmer
Will soon need an embalmer.
Yao Ming
Enjoys the interviewing style and sartorial elegance of Larry King.
P.S. Go to the last of these Houston Chronicle photos - Shell says the "woman" in the leopard-skin outfit is a complete Dallas stereotype - but that sure looks like a goatee.
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