Drugs: Warnings

The Onion A.V. Club has a clip of Florrie Fisher warning about the dangers of LSD. YouTube has another clip. She was one of the inspirations for Amy Sedaris' Jerri Blank character (I hope to see the "Strangers With Candy" movie tomorrow.)

Music: Bonnie "Prince" Billy

Pitchfork has the commercial for Bonnie "Prince" Billy's new album - is it "too soon" for that punchline?

Cryptic Crossword: 7x5

1		2		3		4
5
6

Across

1. Achieve success in part. Altogether charming! (7)
5. Bill Trendy: bad habit is swallowing ring. (7)
6. Indulgent - let baseball team play inside. (7)

Down

1. Spin western girl, bump her head. (5)
2. Not applicable against an Irish town, either way. (5)
3. Nothing to live for, drab colour. (5)
4. The night before New Testament occurrence. (5)

Sports: World Cup

• Lookalikes: Portugal's Maniche and Slade's Dave Hill. The Rainbow Connection thinks so too. (He also has Lavolpe-DeNiro.)
  
• And how about Portugal's Brazilian coach Scolari and Gene Hackman? (Lots of people agree with that one.)
  
• Sports-appropriate name: Sweden's Marcus Allbäck (both first and last names).
  
• Something that always makes me laugh: when one Spanish commentator says to another, "Si senor." There's just something about their formality that cracks me up.
  
• Also funny: the name of the section on FIFA's official site, VIPs Love Football. And what a collection of VIPs! Film composer Ennio Morricone, US Olympic swimmer Lenny Krayzelburg, Scorpions lead singer Klaus Meine, Tunisian singer-songwriter Lotfi Bouchnak, Czech model Tereza Maxova, Spike Lee, Japanese architect Arata Isozaki, and Mikhail Gorbachev.
  
• Excerpt from "The Simpsons" with a Portugal-Mexico match. Riot ensues.
  
• In World Cup warm-up, Colombia's goalkeeper scores against Poland.
  

Feeble Attempt At Humour

Some comedy gold for my friend Chris. Feel free to try these nuggets out at Picchi Pacchi's Open Mic Night.

• What do you call a Dallas Maverick with a faucet on the side of his head? Erick Damp Ear
  
• Which Dallas Maverick gets people out of the way of a Honda Odyssey? Keith Van Horn
  
• Which Dallas Maverick has the most birds? Aviary Johnson
  
• Which Dallas Maverick has the least witzki? Dirk No-witzki
  
• What did the newspapers call it when the Mavericks' owner lost his Bible? The Cuban Missal Crisis
  
• What do they call IHOP in Germany? Jerry Stackhaus
  

Thank you. I'll be here all week - unlike the Mavs.

TV News: Slip-Ups

As seen on VH1's "Web Junk 2.0", the anchorwoman who miscategorised a blind mountaineer.

Lookalikes: Keanu Reeves

Did anyone else see Keanu Reeves on the cover of Parade magazine ("printed on the highest quality news-tissue") and think, "Hey, has Al Gore had some work done?"

Sports: World Cup

• Best football-appropriate name of the tournament so far: Iran's Yahya Golmohammadi. I'd love to hear what Andres Cantor could do with that name if he scored.
  
• Runner-up: Mexico's O. Bravo. I was disappointed to learn that the "O" stood for Omar, and not Oscar.
  
• Driven away by Tommy Smyth and US commentators who feel compelled to use other sports to explain the game, I've been watching Univision. I haven't a clue what they're saying, apart from "esquina", "falta" and "futbolística!". There's a helpful glossary here.
  
• In ABC's studio this morning, Alexi Lalas reassured us that the US team were watching TV in their hotel and "they know that the World Cup has started".
  
• Mexico's coach, Ricardo Lavolpe, works on his De Niro impression.
  
• Peter Crouch is a gangly freak who makes Dirk Nowitzki look graceful. As the unofficial World Cup song says, "Peter Crouch has/run like a spaz". (Thanks to Mark for the link.)
  
• Ugly footballers with beautiful wives.
  

Games: Flash

A whole bunch of cutesy Flash games. The game play isn't that great, but they're awfully well-designed.

Lyrics Quiz: Mystery Theme

Lyrics quiz from Eric - whatever can the theme be?

1. I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon.
   
2. Woke up this morning, what did I see? A big black cloud hanging over me. I switched on the radio and nearly dropped dead. The news was so bad that I fell out of bed.
   
3. I can't stand to fly, I'm not that naive.
   

With the help of Google, I can add these to the theme:

1. You don’t really love that guy you make it with, now do you? I know you don’t love that guy 'cause I can see right through you.
   
2. Hello? This is your Mother. Are you there? Are you coming home? Hello? Is anybody home?
   
3. I'll tell you right now. Any trick in the book now, baby, all that I can find. Everybody's hustlin' just to have a little scene.
   
4. I can't hold you down if you want to fly. Can't you see I'm all broke up inside?
   Well, just you use your two X Ray eyes.
   

Sports: Football

Oh look! Those bright young things over at Enterpool have launched a World Cup pool. Free to register, free to play. But shurely shome mishtake - they don't have Ireland among the 32 teams!

Sports: Basketball

I hope the Mavs are knocked out by the Suns, if only because Dale Hansen said, after Game 3, that Dallas had a "commanding lead" over Phoenix. 2 games to 1 is never a "commanding lead" (unless it's a 3-game series.) What an idiot.

Advertising: Women In

We take the presence of women in commercials for granted now, but until the 1970s, only men appeared in most TV ads. Brassiere ads were particularly surreal. That all changed thanks to the brave work of pioneers like Palmolive's Madge and Bibi Osterwald (the Jif Choosey Mother). And so, in honor of Memorial Day, I'd like to pay tribute to some of today's leading ladies in commercials.

Who is the hottie in the Mercury ads? It's Jill Wagner. She looked better in the earlier commercial where she's dressed in blue. The new ad really shows off her pointy chin. I always fear for the little boy standing in front of her - the crown of his head may not withstand that chin. She had a bit part in "Junebug".

Has there ever been a better match of product and celebrity endorser than Milk and Elizabeth Hurley? It works on so many levels - two at least. (Watch backstage footage.) Only a vegan could object to this.

And how about that long-legged cutie in the Old Navy ad? Can't find her name. Another blog has been trying to track down a different Old Navy model since 2004. (The song, by the way, is "Check It Out" by Komeda.)

The Old Navy ad is promoting Madras. What other clothing materials are named after cities?

Song List: Conservative Songs

The National Review has compiled a list of the Top 50 Conservative Rock Songs Of All Time. #1 is the Who's "Won't Get Fooled Again". Pete Townshend takes some time off from his undercover investigation of child porn to respond.

Nice to see the Rainmakers mentioned (#36).

No Ted Nugent in the list? How many animals does he have to kill?

I would have added Lou Reed's "Martial Law". I'm sure Eric can suggest a few.

Lookalikes: Mike D'Antoni

Why is Tom Skerritt coaching the Phoenix Suns?

Shell's Lyrics Quiz

Numbers #1-2 have a city in their title, #3-5 have word UP or US in the title, #6-8 have sex-related lyrics, #9-11 have drug/disease-related lyrics, and #12-13 have shoe-related lyrics.

1. Call me pathetic call me what you will
2. Dreadlocked Rasta
3. Some are carpenter's wives
4. So if you give 'em a quick, short, sharp shock, they won't do it again, dig it? (spoken, not sung)
5. Move the heart, switch the place, look for what seems out of place
6. But I can't figure out which Spice Girl I want to impregnate
7. I'm into having sex, I ain't into making love
8. She calls me baby, she calls everybody baby
9. It's not a habit it's cool
10.Deals dope out of Dennys, got a table in the back
11.Did you make disease and the diamond blue
12.But your new shoes are worn at the heels
13.Life's the same except for my shoes

Lyrics Quiz: Streets

Lyrics quiz. #1-#5 refer to a street in the lyrics, #6-#10 have "Street", "Road" or "Avenue" in the song title.

1. We live on Morgan Street, just ten feet between. And his mother, I never see her, but her screams and curses, I hear them every day.
   
2. It's four in the morning, the end of December. I'm writing you now just to see if you're better. New York is cold, but I like where I'm living. There's music on Clinton Street all through the evening.
   
3. A small kid stands by the Lincoln Tunnel. He’s selling plastic roses for a buck. The traffic’s backed up to 39th Street. The TV whores are calling the cops out for a suck.
   
4. You live in a fancy apartment, off the Boulevard Saint-Michel, where you keep your Rolling Stones records, and a friend of Sacha Distel, yes you do.
   
5. I put my foot flat down on the floor. I took it as far as I could. I took it down there to Sheridan Street, by the dark wood.
   
6. Workin' so hard like a soldier. Can't afford a thing on TV. Deep in my heart I am warrior. Can't get food for them kids.
   
7. So just pull on your hair. Just pull on your pout. And let's move to the beat, like we know that it's over.
   
8. I'm gonna drive my daddy's Thunderbird. A white rad ride, '66 ('67), so glam it's absurd. I'm gonna put her in the back seat, and drive her 2 ... Tennessee.
   
9. You hardly ever saw Grandaddy down here. He only came to town about twice a year. He'd buy a hundred pounds of yeast and some copper line. Everybody knew that he made moonshine.
   
10. I was looking for a rhyme for the New York Times when I sensed I was not alone. She said do you know how to spell 'audaciously'? I could tell I was in luck.
    

(I have to admit that I always thought #6 said, "Deep in my heart I abhor you.")

Friday Miscellany

This, and also that.

• Ambiguous headline of the day: "US shares flat after tricky week" - is this going to be an hilarious sitcom like "The Odd Couple" or "The Young Ones"?
  
• Jack White's baby is named Scarlett. He's taking that red/white colour scheme thing a bit far.
  
• What a tedious sport is basketball. The fatal flaw in the game is how subjective is the officiating. Is it offensive charging or defensive blocking? Is it a punch to the groin or a friendly pat on the balls? Who's to say? Rarb, who is a bit of a sports-fanatic, suggests one way the game could be improved: use a bowling ball.
  
• Why, when Britain had an empire, didn't the monarch go by the title of Emperor? Queen Victoria used the title of Empress of India, but secondary to her Queenship. Surely "Empress" is a more important title than "Queen"?
  
• Jodie Foster lisps Eminem lyrics at a Commencement Address. Embarrassing.
  
• Conan O'Brien showed how it should be done at Harvard in 2000.
  
• Band names that pit something against itself: Spy v. Spy (1982); Cop Shoot Cop (1987); Dog Eat Dog (1990); Boy Kill Boy (2005).
  

Sociology: Pick-Up Lines

Deadspin shared a story last month about ESPN's Chris Berman picking up a leather-clad babe at a party with the line, "You’re with me, leather." (On Tuesday, they posted a clip of Sportscenter anchor Neil Everett describing a fine Gary Matthews Jr. catch with the line, "He's with leather.")

Defamer carried a story about Bruce Willis repeating an old pickup line, "What are your plans for sex tonight?", to a college coed. (It's not clear if he was actually using the line or just reminiscing.)

According to one biographer, Prince William's chat-up line is "Hi, I’m the future king, wanna pull?"

Words: Humbug

Charles Dickens did like the word "Humbug". There's Scrooge's "Bah ! Humbug!", of course. In "Martin Chuzzlewit", "Shakspeare's an infernal humbug, Pip!" And in "The Pickwick Papers", "He was bound to acknowledge that, personally, he entertained the highest regard and esteem for the honourable gentleman; he had merely considered him a humbug in a Pickwickian point of view."

The origin of the word is unclear.

Stephen Colbert started a "Campaign Against Humbuggery", as a parody of Fox News Channel's "War On Christmas".